Six years ago, our older daughter had landed in timeout for a brief duration, at the end of which I attempted to reconnect and invite her to rejoin us downstairs. Unmoved by my attempts to reconcile and teach her to take responsibility for her choices, she put her petite little hands on her hips and insisted, “I’ve only been doing this kid thing for six years, mom!” Impressed, I countered, “Well, do you remember how the veterinarian goes to vet school, and the teachers go to teacher school, and the doctors go to doctor school?? THERE IS NO MOMMY SCHOOL!” Shocked and stunned, her brown eyes wide as quarters, she suddenly realized just how unqualified her mother was. I don’t think she’s ever forgotten.
Humorous anecdotes aside, let us consider that the parenting life is just as much about our growth as our children’s. Our heavenly Father is training us while we are training our children! Isn’t this parenting life so much about dependence on Him? Contrary to worldly wisdom, when we allow ourselves to be seen as imperfect to our children, we find common ground and compassion, leading us to places of trust-building intimacy with them. When we consider how we can steward our influence in our children’s lives, we transition from a barking drill sergeant to an encouraging coach. When we learn to expect imperfection and then enter into those delicate moments with quiet grace and maybe even a smile or a cookie, our children learn that their parents are not like the world; we are safe.
Throughout this parenting journey, the Lord has been so kind to reveal my shortcomings in small increments. I will also admit that learning to “let go of perfect” has hardly been a linear process. Have you ever thought about how the experience we have as parents is strangely similar to our children growing up? It’s both sobering and humbling. Because of our imperfections, we all require grace. When we offer this forward-looking grace to the little (or not so little) people in our homes, they are being equipped with graciousness as they move out into the world. Surely this will serve them well throughout their lifetimes.
In your family culture, where can you exchange your expectations of perfection for imperfection, and seize the opportunity to build trust with the young people in your home? I have a feeling that the Lord will present you with an occasion to practice this exchange very soon. I’ll be praying in the meantime.
With great hope,
Jennifer Ford - Parent
The Unqualified
