George Floyd: Before I Talk to My Kids About Another Black Man’s Death

* The following article was copied from www.familylife.com.

I weep in response to the hashtags I see. George Floyd’s life mattered. But how do we talk to our kids about another black man’s death … again?

As I read the article my colleague wrote, “Should We Talk to Our Kids About Ahmaud Arbery?,” I couldn’t help but think the majority of those reading his article would actually have a choice. As a black woman, married to a black man, raising black children, I don’t have that choice.

The questions for me to ponder are:

• How do we talk to our kids about another black person being killed?

• When do we talk to our kids about another black person being killed?

• How do we talk to our kids about another black person being killed, AGAIN?

When injustice knocks on your door

Tragically, injustice came knocking on my door three years ago when my younger brother, KJ, died while in the custody of a police agency. He was a son, brother, and father. He loved basketball and hosted and coached drill camps for youth, and he had so many opportunities ahead of him.

Yet I have had to read details, watch videos, and answer questions related to how my brother died. When injustice lessens the life of your loved one to another hashtag to be posted and forgotten, it is traumatic.

When an unnecessary and unjust death occurs in your family, you can’t forget. You can’t choose to look the other way. You can’t not talk about it.

In fact, I had a hard conversation with my husband last night as he shared details with me about the senseless killing of yet another black man, George Floyd.

Floyd was being subdued by a Minnesota policeman who had his knee pressed into Floyd’s neck. George Floyd repeatedly stated he couldn’t breathe. But no one came to his aid. He died of the injuries sustained while detained by this officer.

Sadly, these stories are all too common. We only hear about the ones caught on video or the ones the media decides to cover.

How do I talk about George Floyd?

So what does a born-again, Christ-following, black person do when another black brother, sister, or child dies unjustly?

The pressure to speak out on injustice is real. And necessary.

When my white brothers and sisters of the Christian faith choose not to speak against injustice, it’s assumed their silence means they agree with or are OK with the incident (or the outcome). Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

As Christ followers who happen to have color in our pigmentation, we know there is evil in the world. And we expect unbelievers to act within that realm of wickedness and the sin of racism. However, we grapple with the silence from our white brothers and sisters in Christ. To us, this silence screams our lives don’t matter.

The insensitivity some whites communicate when they justify the killing of a black person based on the guilt of their past or the presumed innocence of the person or persons who committed the killing (i.e. “If he would have followed his commands…,” “If he was not in that neighborhood…” or “Well, the officer feared for his life.”) hurts deeply.

Here are three things I must do personally before I can talk to my kids about another George Floyd, another black man killed. Maybe these will help you as you prepare to talk with your kids.

1. Process and feel my emotions.

I allow myself to grieve, to feel sad, to hurt for the lives lost and for their families who are suffering. I even acknowledge my own anger, fears, and concern for the current state of the world. But I have to be careful not to become overwhelmed emotionally.

There is a level of numbness and avoidance black people must enter to be able to function daily. If I grieved every black and brown body that was killed unjustly or unnecessarily, I would not be able to work, care for my family, or maintain relationships. As I process George Floyd’s death, I meditate on Psalm 31:9, “Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.”

I weep in response to the hashtags I see in my newsfeed. George Floyd’s life (and each of those lives) mattered.

2. Pray through my emotions and thoughts.

I need to be honest before the Lord and pray about what I am feeling and thinking. Read Isaiah 5:20 “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!”

I cast my cares upon Him because He cares for me.

And I need to cast my fears and frustrations upon the Lord and leave them at the foot of the Cross. I need to ask the Lord for strength and to help my unbelief that wrestles with trusting that God will not be mocked and that He will perform vengeance on behalf of those who have been oppressed.

3. Point my heart and head toward Heaven.

I need to focus my mind on “things that are above” (Colossians 3:2). I can’t allow the pain of racism and the images of black people getting killed to penetrate my soul. So I personally do not watch the videos of how people die. My soul can’t handle it.

I look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith. After I do these things, I repeat steps 1-3 with my children.

Even as the hashtags are endless and there seems to be no stop to the killings, I continue to redirect my children’s hearts and minds to the God who sees, who cares, and who is making all things new (see Isaiah 43:19). I want to make sure they don’t allow malice for white people or police, in general, to infiltrate their hearts. I don’t want them to learn to hate others because others hate us.

And I also want to be used by the Lord to protect their souls. They don’t need to watch the George Floyd video. Or any others! These incidences are traumatic. They don’t need to hear every detail. They don’t need to read every article.

Just as we all are tempering how we stay informed about COVID-19, we must do the same as it relates to the heated topic of racism, excessive force, and police brutality.

Should I talk to my kids about another black person being killed?

Yes, but not at the cost of traumatizing them over and over. I choose how and when we talk through these matters. And prayerfully, the Holy Spirit will use these conversations to strengthen our faith in the God of justice and truth.

Even as a watching world witnesses the protests over George Floyd’s death happening in several states, I am saddened. Many people are affected by the destructive actions of a few. As the saying goes, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” My auntie would say, “Right don’t wrong nobody.” Which is why the riots in response to Floyd’s death cause an added ache for the entire city.

I have to cast my cares on the Lord—I don’t need to cast away my hope that the Lord will one day right the wrongs, straighten the crooked places, and lift up our bowed heads.

Until then, I will hold my husband and children tightly, praying that we keep having the hard conversations. And that those that don’t look like me will do the same.

Raising Kids Who Will Initiate Racial Equality

* The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

When my son was three years old, his school introduced him to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He became completely fascinated with Dr. King, so my husband and I walked with him down an MLK rabbit hole. Well, an MLK rabbit hole that we felt was appropriate for a three-year-old.

We live in Atlanta, so we took him to visit Dr. King’s birth home. We also read books and watched videos about Dr. King’s involvement with the Civil Rights Movement and introduced him to the famous I Have a Dream speech which he requested be played on repeat. Recently, when we visited Washington D.C., we took him to both the Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorials.

But of course, the truth of Dr. King’s work and legacy is quite a big concept to understand at such a young age. And, to be honest, while we happily talked with him about Dr. King being a leader and role model, we weren’t eager to engage him in a conversation about race and inequality. But he was so relentlessly curious:

Why did Martin Luther King, Jr. go to jail? What does “equal” mean? Why do those dogs look so mean in that picture? Is Martin Luther King, Jr. still alive? How did he die? Why did he say, “______” in the I have a dream speech?

We tried so hard to craft our responses; unfortunately, our veiled attempts at discretion always slightly missed the mark. I tried to explain “equality” by using pepperoni pizza and telling him that “equality” meant everyone gets the same number of slices. All throughout that conversation I was so proud of my “good” parenting.

But that went left very fast when I heard him tell someone that Dr. King was a pizza man. My husband and I wanted to respond to his questions in a developmentally appropriate way. Yet, at the same time, we wanted to be honest in sharing the painful past of our country . . . well, edited parts of it. The depths of segregation, injustice, and the mistreatment of people of color just seemed to be very big for his three-year life experience.

We wanted him to continue living in a utopian world where race did not matter. We wanted him to continue living in a world where it was completely normal for his racially diverse friendship crew to affectionately call each other “brother and sister.” But we realized, even though that was the truth of his experience, it wasn’t the truth of the world in which our little black boy lived.

If we did not want to perpetuate an ideology of ignorance, we had to engage his curiosity with truth. We decided to introduce our son to race, or so we thought. Through the conversation we realized that in actuality, we were just giving him language for something he had already noticed. In the same way that he had noticed gender differences among his friends, he had also noticed racial differences. But the difference between his three-year-old understanding of race and my adult understanding of race, was that his was just developing.

My husband and I had an amazingly rare opportunity in our hands to consciously mold his thinking as it pertained to race and equality. We were literally laying the foundation for how he would grow up understanding these things. While this is such an amazing gift, creating change within the world is not something one household or even one race can accomplish alone. If we want to raise up a new generation of leaders who establish a new world norm; ignoring conversations of race, racism, injustice and inequality within the home are not privileges any of us are granted.

As parents, we need to check in with our children to discover what they already know, what they’ve seen/heard and what they think about it all. If necessary, we need to be willing to do the work of deconstructing and reconstructing.

Yet, while conversations about race are essential, they alone don’t create the inclusion necessary to cause generational change.

Children need to see people coming to their home who look different than them.
Children should be exposed to cultures different than their own.
Children should see their parents laugh and have substantive conversations with other races.

Though it’s essential for children to see people who look like them doing amazing things; it’s also essential for children to see people who don’t look like them doing those same amazing things. This will help them grow up not only knowing things should be equal, but becoming initiators of racial equality.

Talking to Your Kids About Racism

* The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

Four Questions to Ask Yourself Before Talking to Your Kids About Racism

If you’ve been paying attention these last few years, you know this: Racism is real. But when it comes to talking to kids about racism, many parents are uncertain about how to talk about it with their kids. And while we want to address it, we wish we could shelter them from ever witnessing anything so reminiscent of our dark and painful history. 

But somehow, we know that part of the solution for change starts with us. We also know that as parents, we have an opportunity to make a difference in this world through the incredible influence we have on our kids—who are watching, listening, and taking it all in—regardless of whether we intend for them to or not. 

We also want to bring hope and comfort to our kids through our words and actions in troubling times, so as you think about how to talk to your kids about the realities and uncertainties of our world, we encourage you to ask yourself a few questions. 

1. How are YOU processing your feelings?

In order to have honest conversations with our kids, we need to be honest with ourselves. Check your heart and your thoughts. Be sure to take a step back and identify how you might need to change in your prejudices and in your interactions with others. Reflect on what it really means to love those whom God loves, and unrelentingly pursue forgiveness and reconciliation. Your kids will get many of their cues from observing your response. Yes, they’re really watching and listening. Are your reactions and frustrations to what is happening betraying any subtle biases?

2. Do you celebrate diversity?

Some parents may be tempted to try to teach their kids to be blind to color, to shy away from acknowledging differences or just ignore them altogether. But the truth is that we are all very different in the way God made us—in our skin color, in our genetic makeup, and in our culture. And that’s something to be celebrated, not ignored. Do you model the belief with your words and actions that God made each of us unique and beautiful even in our differences? Do you demonstrate respect and honor towards those you disagree with? How diverse is your circle of friends and the people you associate with? How can you widen that circle for your family? 

3. Are you talking about racism?

Racism is a difficult and sensitive topic, but it does exist, often in the form of subtle comments and prejudice, but sometimes it’s outright hatred and violence. Not talking about it doesn’t make it go away. So talk about the issues with others outside your circle and with people of different backgrounds. Discover the truth from various outlets and seek to understand other perspectives. When you find the right words that honestly and respectfully express how you think and feel, choose which words you might share with your kids.

Then talk to your kids about prejudice and racism so you can equip them with the values and the words they will need to respect, celebrate, and stand up for those who are being discriminated against. 

4. Are you focused on love?

As parents, our hearts break in the shadow of these tragic events, and our anxiety, anger, and fear unfortunately leak out onto our kids. It’s okay to be honest with your kids, but it’s important to talk to them about how your family can respond to what’s happening in our world in a positive way.

As you navigate these important conversations, focus on what matters most: LOVE. Put love into action, and rest in the hope that is found there. And dole out love in especially large doses on your kids so they feel safe and secure. Hug them tightly and let them know that God is with them and they don’t have to be afraid. And neither do you.

For help with age appropriate conversations addressing recent events, check out this article: How to Talk to Your Kids About Racism: An Age-by-Age Guide