In Defense of Date Night

The following article was copied by www.desiringgod.org.

The idea of date nights has become a hot-button issue in some Christian circles. Some advocate that they are a nice “bonus” when they happen to work out, but aren’t a necessary component to having a good marriage. Others view weekly date nights as an ideal.

In our own sixteen-year marriage and ministry, we’ve come to view date nights as a life-giving time to keep marriage fresh. Our American culture pushes workaholism and child-centeredness in such a way that marriage is often left on the back burner. The vast majority of us don’t need a free pass to stop dating our spouses, but a push to be intentional about making marriage a priority amidst the other demands and responsibilities of life.

While it’s true that a good marriage is built in the mundane tasks of everyday life rather than on romantic getaways and mountaintop experiences, it doesn’t negate the fact that intentional time together as a couple is indispensable to having a healthy marriage. 

What follows is an attempt to define a date night, along with a response to four common arguments against the idea of regularly dating your spouse.

What Is “Date Night”?

Some of the disagreement here may have to do with semantics. If you only imagine a date night to be dining at a five-star restaurant, hiring an expensive babysitter and heading to the theater for a Broadway-caliber show, very few of us would ever be able to go! But what if we defined “date night” by having intentional time with your spouse (without your children!)?

Of course, for every couple this intentional time will look different. For some it could be a long walk at the park or a picnic on the beach. For others it might be enjoying a cup of hot tea and a movie after the kids are in bed. In our experience as parents of four children (ages two to thirteen), if we do not plan to have time alone together, it is easily swallowed up by our children’s activity schedules, ministry, household chores, working on our computers, unanticipated interruptions, and pure selfishness. We often have to set a limit for our type-A selves in the evening of when we are closing the computers, shutting off the phones, and turning towards each other.

We’ve made it a practice to plan at least two date nights out of the house each month as well, not in a legalistic way, but as a healthy habit to protect and strengthen our marriage. There is something especially refreshing about leaving the piles of unfinished work at home and heading to a new environment with only each other. Even after the hassle of getting a babysitter and prepping her with directions, as soon as we’re in our smokin’ hot mini-van, backing out of the driveway, we breathe a sigh of relief together and often say, “This is so worth it!”

“It’s Too Expensive!”

I’m thankful for the wise counselors we had early on in our marriage. They encouraged us to make sure we kept dating each other, even when money was tight and it seemed nearly impossible to add one more thing to our budget. 

From the very start of our marriage, having date nights was a non-negotiable. But we were far from the couple who could throw out fifty bucks or more at the drop of a hat to make it happen. My husband was a seminary student, and at the beginning, I was a student teacher. We had negative income! But it forced us to be creative. We often took bike rides and had picnics in beautiful parks. And we did budget some modest funds to eat out a couple times a month. It was well worth it.

After having our first child, I quit my teaching job to become a stay-at-home mom. My youth-pastor husband was still a seminary student, and money was in short supply. But an older pastor’s wife had a great vision: “I’m going to pray that the teens in your youth group will see babysitting for your kids as an opportunity to serve you!” And God answered that prayer. We often had free babysitters and later set up a babysitting swap with another family. We went out on a Friday night while they watched our kids, and then we did the reverse on Saturday night. That swap continued for about three years, and they became some of our dearest friends. It was a win-win situation for everybody involved.

My husband and I have often felt dismayed by how quickly other couples shoot down the idea of date nights simply because of the cost involved. We all invest time and money in what we value. Do we value our marriages enough to hire a babysitter a couple times a month? If you’re able to send your daughter to ballet lessons and your son to basketball camp, don’t you think your marriage is worth spending some money on too? Don’t let the price tag of a date night keep you from setting aside time to strengthen the most important earthly relationship you have. 

“What About Spontaneity?”

I like the idea of being spontaneous. It sounds romantic and exciting. And for those of you without children, or who are empty-nesters, maybe this is a reality. Maybe you really can choose to have a date night at the drop of a hat. But for the vast majority of us with little ones, having a date night requires some intentional planning. Finding a babysitter, budgeting the money, and planning something meaningful and enjoyable together requires some forethought. 

In our marriage, date nights are a calendar issue. Without scheduling specific nights for dates, the activities of our four children will reign supreme. Sometimes this means they have to miss a practice or event. We are not always the most popular couple when we say our children can’t come to something because we have a date night planned. But in the child-centered world of American society, this is exactly what needs to happen. 

After our relationship with God, the marriage relationship should be a main priority. The needs and desires of our children can easily become totally consuming. Without adding a date night to our calendar, it just simply wouldn’t happen.

“We Spend Time Together Everyday — Why Do We Need a Date Night?”

Another common objection to having a date night is the idea that spending time at home together, or running errands, accomplishes the same thing. While I agree that my husband and I can sometimes have meaningful conversations while doing the dishes or running to Lowes, there are also a million distractions that often interrupt us. 

Just when I’m beginning to share my heart about a relational struggle I’m having, our two-year-old walks in with a stinky diaper. We get to Lowes and the conversation is halted while we look for just the right paint color. And by the time we try to get back to the conversation, it’s time to get everyone ready for bed. 

Setting aside intentional time together, without the distraction of children or chores, allows for an extended time of sharing, eye-to-eye conversations, playful physical touches, and undisturbed flirting, all of which help fodder the much needed fire of intimacy that keeps marriage fresh. 

Although it is true that a solid marriage is built on the day-to-day interactions between the married couple, we can’t negate the truth that intentional one-on-one time is much needed medicine for a healthy marriage. 

“My Wife Doesn’t Need to Be Pursued Romantically for Her to Know I Love Her.”

Yes, we know you love us when you tell us with words or help with the dishes or give us a break from the kids. But I think we’re fooling ourselves to assume what was once considered a given before we were married — men initiating dates, giving forethought to planning evenings out, working to please her and pursue her — doesn’t matter anymore.

It’s like the deer head mounted on the hunter’s wall or the athlete’s trophy. The chase is over. Victory has been won. And now your amazing feat is hanging on the living room wall for all to see and admire. But as wives, we don’t want to be a champion trophy. Deep down women want a husband who will make time in his busy schedule to plan special times together that show his love has not gone stale. 

Marriage Is This Important

In the busyness of life and raising our families, our marriages are at risk to go under water as we seek to meet everyone’s expectations and our many responsibilities. Take some time to evaluate the health of your own marriage, and clear a couple nights on your calendar this month for some much needed alone time together. 

Your dates don’t have to look like the Jones’s, but don’t go to the other extreme and forget about them altogether. Your marriage will be strengthened and helped as you spend intentional time together, honoring the spouse God has given you to share life with.

3 Benefits of Father-Daughter Date Nights

** The following article was copied from www.lifeway.com.

"How have you felt during our date tonight? I don't want you to ever expect anything less from a boy you're dating."

These words were spoken by a dad on a date with his seventh-grade daughter. He opened doors, pulled out chairs, asked her questions and offered kind words about her external and internal beauty all night.

He wanted that kind of treatment to be her expectation.

Establishing Godly Expectations for Your Daughter

You, as a dad, set your daughter's expectations for how the rest of the men in her life will treat her. She looks to you for approval, attention and admiration. She needs to know from you that she's lovely, strong, capable, kind and brave.

She needs to know that you respect her feelings and her voice ... as you will want all of the other boys and men who follow you to do.

Dad-daughter dates are an opportunity to spend quality time and show the real-life expectation of a spouse for your daughter. It's also a time to be intentional and to instill values into your daughter that will affect her earthly and eternal life.

1. A Heavenly Reminder

When you spend quality time with your daughter, you have an opportunity to focus on her and call out the good you see in her. Remind her regularly of the beauty God has placed inside of her—and outside too—so she sees herself as more than just her looks. We want the majority of emphasis to be on the things that last forever...the beauty of her spirit, as in Proverbs 31.

2. A Boost in Confidence

In every parenting seminar I teach, I remind parents how girls who are delighted in feel more delightful. Enjoy her. Play with her. Learn what she loves and why she loves it. As you enjoy her, she will feel that she is an enjoyable person. This will build your daughter's confidence and her self-worth.

3. A Loving Word at Every Age

When she was little, she was easy to know and to spend time with. As she becomes a teenager, she gets a little more awkward with you. I honestly believe that somewhere in adolescence it finally occurs to her that you're a boy. She feels awkward with boys so she starts to get awkward with you. You go to hug her and she gets stiff and steps away.

She still needs you to press in. Conversations with teens are sometimes better spent around a task. Teach her to drive. Go rock climbing with her at your local gym. Take her fishing or biking or skiing. Ask her about her friends, the music she likes. She longs for you to know her, even though, as a teenager, she often won't say the words.

What About Girls Without Fathers?

I know plenty of girls who do not have a dad who can step into these places in their lives. But I have known dozens of grandfathers, uncles, neighbors and youth directors over the years God has sent to fill those gaps. Don't be discouraged if you feel like your daughter doesn't have a man in this place.

Pray for and seek one out. God can use another man to build into your daughter and speak to the beauty inside of her.

You have a powerful voice in the life of your daughter. You set her standard for how she will expect to be treated and will treat others. Lay a foundation of respect, and you will affect her perspective on purity and the importance of it for her life and all of eternity.

Sexual Integrity Through the Phases

** The following article was copied from www.orangeblogs.org. (Go to this link to get to a podcast on the issue).

Authorities in the area of sex education tell us:

“The more positive, value-centered sex education kids receive from home, the less promiscuous they will be.”

That sounds simple enough. But a majority of parents didn’t receive healthy conversations about sexuality from their parents. So they don’t have a lot to go on. And as church leaders we should probably admit that we haven’t always done a very good job either. It’s easy to see how this generation of parents sometimes struggles to help their children navigate the murky waters of sexuality in a world of mixed messages.

The result? Many kids look for information about sex and sexuality from sources other than the church or their parents. In fact, the number-one source for kids to get sex education is the Internet—and I’m not sure that’s the best place to get safe, value-centered sex information. Often their emotional involvement exceeds their maturity, and they’re left to navigate decisions about sexuality without a trustworthy guide.

In a world of increasing accessibility, kids make sexual decisions at a younger age and often without the benefit of much help from their parents—and even the church.

What if there really was a better plan than just having “the talk” once—making a one-time ask for a seemingly impossible task—and then leaving the rest to chance? What if, instead, church leaders could help parents have a more comprehensive approach? As a church leader who partners with parents, one of the most practical things you can do is give parents tools to help them navigate real world issues like healthy sexuality.

For almost all parents, talking with their kids about sex is awkward at best. Yet, at the same time, parents genuinely do want their children to make good and wise decisions about sexuality. The church has a unique opportunity to help parents help their kids navigate this issue. But to be frank, we often miss our opportunity because we aren’t sure how to help. There are no easy answers and sometimes it’s a bit messy. But imagine just for a minute what’s at stake for the future of this generation. If there is a way to help parents be a better guide, isn’t it worth it? Can church leaders influence parents to communicate to kids and teenagers that God created their sexuality so they’ll sees it as a beautiful part of their life and faith?

Helping parents navigate this issue is the church’s business for one reason. Every child is made in the image of God. And if every child believed God made them—and that God made every other person—it would fundamentally change the conversation about sexuality. It may sound overly simplistic. But I believe this one idea could dramatically change how a generation does marriage and family.

Time for the Bible in a Busy Family

** The following article was copied from www.gospelatcenter.com.

I have three girls – ages 12, 10, and 5. This fall all three were in a sport. The oldest made a high school jv volleyball team, the middle child is obsessed with softball, and the baby finally got to start t-ball. Between practices, games, homework, and church we are constantly on the go. When you add in the fact that we are a blended family and my kids spend several hours a week in another home, free time has been sparse.

In this craziness, I felt a strong conviction that I wasn’t making time for devotional time with them. I believe strongly in spending time as a family looking at God’s word and praying together. Family worship is a great concept, but man, is it hard to pull off when schedules are non-stop. I recognize that some families choose not to be involved in extracurricular activities, and I fully agree with keeping life simple. However, my very sporty, very sociable girls need an outlet outside of school and many times those sports fields and bleachers end up being our local mission field.

I had a choice to make. I could ether keep lamenting that we didn’t have time or I could be intentional about making opportunities. I decided to evaluate where in our lives we were consistently in one place and sitting still. I quickly realized that I personally am on some level of flustered from wake up time until everyone actually gets out the door with all of the things they need. I didn’t do a great job of focusing my own attention on anything, much less the kids.

Dinnertime and bedtime seems like viable options on the surface. Dinner is a little sporadic based on game schedules and quite honestly, by bedtime we are all just ready to be done.

Then I had an a-ha moment. I realized that every morning I have all of the children in the car, strapped in, with no escapes and relative few distractions. I declared that our drive to school would be our family devotional time. We keep it simple. We read either a chapter or half of a chapter of Scripture. We pick a book and walk our way through it. Last spring we made it through most of the epistles. We just finished Proverbs and started Esther this week. I ask each kid to share what they heard, what jumped out to them, or what was most interesting to them. I try to point each passage towards the gospel. I throw in theology or encouragement as it applies, and encourage them to think about how God wants to use that passage in their life that day. We all pray. Sometimes we finish the ride with worship music.

Some days are deep and meaningful and beautiful. Some days we just get through it in the midst of breaking up arguments.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Just do something. It is so easy for me to just feel bad and wish I was more consistent, more devoted, more fill-in-the-blank. If this is an area your family needs to work on, just figure out a small step. I sometimes get paralyzed by trying to make everything perfectly structured.

2. Fight discouragement. There are days that are particularly rough getting out the door. I am tempted to skip our devotional time for the day because I don’t really want to speak to anyone in the car. But I say through gritted teeth, “Who is reading our passage today?” I don’t need to paint the picture for my kids that time with God is only for when we have our act together. We need it most on the days when we are gritting our teeth.

3. It won’t be perfect. The days are rare that all conversation is free of preteen sass, kindergarten whines, or sibling squabbles. That’s ok. We are still talking about God’s word. We are still leaning into God and He promises that His word doesn’t return void.

4. Figure out what works for your family. My plan may not work for everyone. That’s ok. But something will. Figure out what works for your people in this season.

5. Consistency and authenticity matter. Consistency means conversations will pop up you never envisioned. That’s such a good thing. Consistency means your kids have a part of their day that is dependable and focused on the Lord. You might be helping develop a habit in them (and yourself) that will forever influence their spiritual life. When authenticity corresponds with that consistency, kids get to see that our walk with God is not dependent on how we feel or what happened on the way out the door. You don’t have to be the super theologian who knows all the answers. Just be real. If you don’t know something, work together to look it up. There’s also some great resources out there. Two I’ve started utilizing this year are Family Worship Bible Guide and Cornerstones. 

My prayer for you is that if busy-ness has kept you feeling guilty for not spending time in the Bible with your kids, that you will be encouraged that it is worth it to fight to make a plan. Start small. Start simple. Don’t set high expectations that will be hard to achieve. But do it. Give your kids (and yourself) the gift of consistently walking together through God’s Word.

7 Notes You Should Write to Your Children

This article was copied from www.allprodad.com

Detroit Lions head coach Jim Caldwell has shared with me about how he wrote many letters to his daughter in college, but she never said anything to him about it when they spoke on the phone or when they saw each other. He wondered if she ever even read them. One day when Jim was visiting her in her dorm room, he saw all of the letters he had written to her opened and proudly posted on her bulletin board!

Your children may not express their enthusiasm about your notes or even acknowledge getting them, but know that writing notes to them will impact their lives and always be remembered. Over the years, I’ve made it a practice to write notes to each of my children. I’d like to share the kinds of notes I’ve written and then show you how you can write those notes to your children as well. If you don’t feel like you’re the writing type or don’t know what to say, I’m going to try to give you some ideas and specific things you can say in your notes. Some of these notes you’ll write one time; others will be notes you’ll want to write on an ongoing basis when you can.

Here are the 7 notes you should write to your children:

1. Love note.

This is a note where you express your unconditional love to your children for who they are and validate their wonderful gifts. You can read what I wrote to my children in my How to Win Your Child’s Heart blog post.

2. Lunch box note.

Another way to uplift our children is to slip them a note in their lunchbox. My wife, Susan, and I found that just simply letting them know we’re thinking of them will encourage them through the day. Not sure of what to write? How about, “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “Have a great day,” or “Hope your test goes well.” You can even surprise them with a “Let’s go for ice cream after school” note. I’ve got some free, downloadable lunchbox notes for kids and teens you can use to get started.

3. Post-It note.

You can write little notes to your kids on yellow sticky notes and put them on their mirror, dresser, notebook or anywhere you want. Like lunchbox notes, these post-its are just quick words of encouragement to your kids. You might just say something like, “Way to go. An A in math! Awesome!” or “That was so nice that you encouraged your brother when he was down.” You can check out my How to Love your Family with Sticky Notes blog to see how we do it in our home.

4. Pillow Talk note.

As our children were growing up, Susan began to feel as if all communication with them was becoming instructional or disciplinary. So one time, she grabbed a spiral notebook, wrote a note to one of our daughters praising her for a nice thing she did for her sister and put it on her pillow. To my wife’s surprise, my daughter wrote back and placed the journal on her pillow. As a result, Susan developed the Pillow Talk journal so parents, like you, can write short notes of encouragement to their kids when they desire.

5. Forgiveness note.

Every parent makes mistakes in child-rearing. And every parent should ask their child to forgive them for those mistakes.  Sometimes a verbal, “I was wrong, would you please forgive me?” is appropriate. Other times, a written letter to your child is the way to go. Write to Right a Wrong.

6. Blessing note.

There is something inside every child that makes that child crave a good word from his or her parents. [Tweet This] When we bless our child, we are placing our “seal of approval” upon them and giving them power to prosper in many areas of life, including marriage, children, finances, health, and career. In addition to writing a note of blessing, you can also have a blessing ceremony.

7. College and career note.

Another thing I’ve done for my children is to memorialize, in writing, the most important things I tried to instill in them as they were growing up. Three of our five children are now in college or working.  Before they left our nest, there were four things that Susan and I taught them and always want them to remember. Here are the four things I penned to each of them.

Three Simple Time Hacks for Parents

* This article was copied from theparentcue.org.

So you probably think you would be a much better parent if you had more hours in the day, don’t you?  Bummer that life doesn’t work that way. When you have another child, it’s not like someone shows up and magically hands you another 4 hours a day. Nope, now you have to manage 100% more kids (or 50% or 25% more kids) with exactly zero extra time. No wonder parenting feels hard.

To complicate things, time feels like it’s speeding up as your kids get older. Although some days feel like an eternity, as Sandra Stanley has often said, the days are long but the years are short. The kids will be in college or the workplace before you know it.

So what do you do? How do you handle the time pressures of parenting and life in the stage you’re in?

I’ve discovered a few things that really help me. I hope they can help you.

1. Abandon balance.

If you’re like most people, you’re hoping for some kind of balance in your life. A better balance of work and home, of time for yourself and time with your family or even a few hobbies.

But you ever notice this? Greatness and balance never seem go together.

In fact, most truly great people aren’t balanced people. They’re passionate people.

Passion gets you further than balance. Imagine approaching everything you did in life with passion.

Your faith
Your work
Your kids
Your marriage
Your hobbies
Your rest

Throwing your heart into all you do can really make a difference. Even when you rest…rest well. When you’re home, be home.  Passionately pursue your top priorities.

I think passion creates a far more compelling story than balance does.

As John Wesley famously said, “Light yourself on fire with passion, and people will come from miles around to watch you burn.”

2. Decide ahead of time how you’ll spend your time.

So you want to have a date night with your spouse, but life keeps crowding it out. Ditto with family night. Family night way too often becomes homework night or clean-up-dinner-because-we’re-running-late night. Same with your devotion time. etc etc etc.

A simple fix is this: Decide ahead of time how you will spend your week. I did this years ago when I moved to a fixed calendar. Leadership puts a lot of demands on my time, and I realized I could easily work non-stop and miss the most important things in life.

So I started booking appointments with myself, my family, and my priorities. Every Friday night became date night. Every Saturday was family day. Every Sunday afternoon was family time to rest and relax. Every Monday was a writing day—with zero meetings. Etc etc.

The value in plotting this out ahead of time is simple: When someone asks you what you’re doing Saturday, you look at your calendar and tell them as much as you’d love to join them, you already have a commitment. You don’t need to tell them it’s with your family.

3.  Stop saying you don’t have the time.

Your best friend asks you when you’re going to get that bathroom finished, and you instinctively reply “I just haven’t had the time for that yet.”

Your boss wants you to take an another project at work and you say, “I really don’t have the time for that.”

Well, that’s actually not true. You have exactly the same amount of time as every other person on planet earth. You have the same amount of time today as someone running a multi-million dollar company, as the President of the United States and as a researcher who just won the Nobel Prize. We all get 24 hours a day.

A few years ago, I made myself stop saying I didn’t have the time. Because the truth is, I did. Instead, I started saying (to myself) “I’m not going to make the time.”

That’s a massive shift in mindset, and you have to be careful not to say it out loud or you’ll lose all your friends. But when you admit to yourself that you’re not going to make the time for date night, that you’re not going to make the time to read a story to your five-year-old, or that you’re not going to make the time to exercise . . . it changes things.

So stop saying you don’t have the time. Start admitting to yourself that you’re just not making the time. Things will change.

These three time hacks—abandoning balance, deciding ahead of time how I’ll spend my time, and refusing to say I don’t have the time—have helped me spend my time far better than I used to.

Imagine spending the time God gives on the things you really should do. Now, you’re a little closer to knowing how.

6 Things All First-Time Parents Should Know

** This article was copied from crosswalk.com

In my morning radio program “Phone Call from the Pastor” (Lifesongs 89.1 New Orleans), I told this:

This is a message to a young mother of two boys I saw at McDonald’s on Airline Highway yesterday. Your boys are perhaps 2 and 3-1/2. You say they were born 18 months apart. “They’re killing you,” I told you facetiously. “I hope you survive until they’re grown.” But what I thought was, “I hope they survive.”

Their behavior is suicidal. They are well on their way to becoming society’s worst nightmare. They are out of control.

You kept giving orders to the older one–sit down, be quiet, turn around, eat your lunch–and he kept ignoring and defying you. There was fire in the little guy’s eyes. He really did look like a miniature devil.

My heart went out to you. My wife and I raised two little boys who were three years apart. I know they can be very trying, especially on Mom. So, what I’m about to suggest to you comes from some experience with this subject.

You have maybe one or two years to turn those boys around. I know they’re young but don’t be fooled. The character you build in them now is what they will live with the rest of their lives.

So, at the risk of seeming presumptuous, I have six suggestions on how to head off those boys before they self-destruct…

1. Turn off the television.

2. Take them to the park. A big park is best so they can work off all that energy.

3. Read to them.

4. You and Dad need to stand together on the matter of discipline. If you don’t, it’s all over.

5. Never repeat yourself to a child. Tell him once. When he ignores you, pick him up and take him off to one side or in another room and lower the boom. Don’t hurt him. Just be plain spoken. Act promptly. And never make a threat you do not intend to act on.

6. Get your family in a church that loves children. You need help, a support team. You cannot raise these kids alone. You need God’s help and the strength of a family of believers.

I’m praying for you, young mother. God bless you and God help you.

Twenty year hindsight…

There’s nothing in that six-fold counsel I would change. The radio program was for only two minutes, although I frequently fudged. Still, as brief as it is, the advice is sound.

Her boys would be men now, in their early 20s. I wonder how they’re doing, what they have become, what they are on their way to becoming in life.

Should I have said something like this to that young mother? Would she have received it?

You never know. Perhaps I should. But I didn’t.

I do not believe the character of a child is permanently fixed as a toddler, even if I implied otherwise. But so much of who they are is well established by the time they are five. My wife and I adopted a five-year-old daughter, so we also know this, and could tell you story after story.

Even if your child is an adult now, don’t give up, friend. Pray and love them, and seek God’s wisdom. If you do not believe in the power of prayer, you will throw up your hands in despair. Pray or despair. Those are your choices, I fear.

I suppose I would temper one piece of the counsel I gave in 1997. It’s not enough to find a church that loves children. I’ve seen churches reach hundreds of kids, then do little more than entertain them, and they failed the adults miserably. The parents should seek God’s wisdom about a Bible-centered, Bible-teaching church where Christ is honored, where people are told how to be saved and how to live for Jesus, and that loves children, protects them and instructs them.

God bless all young parents. Yours is the most important work on the planet.

And may God bless all the older parents whose children have strayed, have not been faithful to their upbringing, and are living out the story of the prodigal (Luke 15).

And one more. May God bless the older parents who came to Christ late and see how they failed their children, and who fear now it’s too late to help them. God help these hurting parents and show them what to do now.

Let all of us be intercessors for our children. It’s a scary world out there. They should not be sent out to face it alone and unprepared.

A Faith of Their Own

** The following was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

I was the mom with the schedule. Feeding schedule. Sleeping schedule. Reading and playtime schedule. I even had a written schedule on my refrigerator that I followed so I wouldn’t forget anything. I’m telling you, I was the schedule queen. (I’m shaking my head laughing just thinking about it.)

Why the scheduling? I simply wanted what was best for my kids. I wanted to make sure they got what they needed. Somehow I got it in my head that if I did everything perfectly things would be, well, perfect.

Yes. Perfect.

The perfect playgroup.
The perfect meal.
The perfect bath time.
The perfect toys.
The perfect preschool.
The perfect life.

We all know perfect is not possible.

No person . . .
No day. . .
No circumstance . . .
No life . . .
is perfect.

And yet we “good” parents try. I tried. (And then felt defeated when it wasn’t.)

At some point along the way, during those early preschool years, I began to see that no amount of micromanaging will ever prevent my children from disappointment and hurt.

We live in a fallen world.

Pain and disappointment are inevitable.

I came to the conclusion that rather than drive myself crazy trying to do the impossible, my time would be best spent training my children to trust God no matter what and how they can respond to pain and disappointment in ways that honor Him.

I began focusing more on the heart, not the circumstance.

Rather than write letters requesting certain teachers for my kids at their public school, we prayed that God would give them who He wanted and help them honor Him in that classroom. Yes, a few times we got “that” teacher, and looking back, I wouldn’t trade the spiritual growth in my kids for anything.

When my kids get their feelings hurt by a peer, I don’t call the other mom. I encourage my children to have the hard conversation so they can learn how to become peacemakers, forgive, and love like Jesus.

When my son didn’t make the basketball team in middle school I could have had “the talk” with the coach or complained to fellow parents, but instead I encouraged my son to trust God, be the best water boy he could be, and cheer for his friends. He did. And I guarantee I was the proudest mom in the stands.

Do you see where I’m going with this? When we focus on trying to control the circumstances in our kid’s life, all in the name of “wanting what’s best,” we put ourselves where only God should be—in control.

Without meaning to, we teach our kids to look to us rather than to God. We teach our children to depend on us to fix every thing, rather than trusting that God will allow, do, fix whatever is best.

We teach our children that nothing bad should ever happen to them. And if that’s not a set-up for disappointment down the road, I don’t know what is!

I can honestly say, after 18 years of parenting and three teenagers later, I experience more joy watching my children respond to trials with wisdom and faith than watching them live life trouble free.

So, keep the sleeping schedule, and make sure you provide lots of great books to read and healthy things to eat, but when it comes to circumstances that God allows in our lives—into your kid’s life—don’t ask, “How can I change what is happening?” Train yourself and your kids to ask, “How can I respond to this in a way that will make God smile?”

Nothing is more important than helping your children develop a faith of their own, for the day will come too soon when mom and dad can’t fix it.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28, NIV

Parenting in the Power of the Gospel

** The following article was copied from www.corechristianity.com.

All Christian parents desire the spiritual well-being of their children. We want our children to be Christians, to get saved, to know God; however we express it, we want our children to be part of the company of the redeemed. We yearn for the blessing of God’s covenant grace to be on our children. This longing to see one generation follow another in knowing God motivates the training and instruction of our children. Psalm 78:3-7 (ESV) captures it:

Things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and teach to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.

We declare God’s mighty acts to the next generation (Ps. 145) because we long for our children to know the grace we have known. We teach God’s ways so that our sons and our son’s sons will follow God (Deut. 6).

Moved by this passion, Christian parents also long for assurance that their children will grow up Christian. I have been asked hundreds of times all over the globe, “If I do all the things you teach in Shepherding a Child’s Heart, will my children grow up to be Christians? Doesn’t the Bible teach that if we raise them right, our children will walk in God’s ways? Doesn’t God’s covenant guarantee they will be saved?”

How can we think about these things? Why do some children raised in Christian homes grow up loving God, while others, sometimes from the same home, turn away? In answering this question, we must identify two issues that have an impact on the persons our children become: the shaping influences of their lives and the Godward orientation of their hearts.

Shaping Influences

Shaping influences are those events and circumstances in a child’s developmental years that prove to be catalysts for making him the person he is. There is a clear biblical warrant for acknowledging the lifelong implications of early childhood experience. The major passages dealing with family (Deut. 6, Eph. 6, and Col. 3) presuppose the importance of shaping influences they include your faithfulness as a parent, the consistency of correction and discipline in your home, your nurture, your teaching of Christian truth, your family times in God’s word, even the ways you demonstrate spiritual vitality before your children.

Your children interact with every shaping influence you provide on the basis of the Godward orientation of their hearts. Here is what I mean: your children are covenantal beings. Humanity is essentially religious; no one is truly neutral even our children worship either Jehovah or idols. All of us filter the experiences of life through a religious grid.

In the book of Romans, the Apostle Paul reminds us that the truth of God revealed in creation leaves all mankind without excuse. All human beings respond to this revelation in creation; they either worship God or, in the words of Romans 1, they “exchange the truth for a lie and worship and serve created things.” Fallen humans refuse to acknowledge and submit to the things God has made plain in the creation. Paul further observes that when people know God in the creation and do not glorify him, they fall into futile thinking that leads to idolatry.

The Godward orientation of the heart ultimately determines how your children will respond to the truth you teach them. If they bow before idols rather than God, they will reject your best efforts at training them in his ways.

Proverbs 9:7-10 shows us that there are two different ways children respond to correction, rebuke, instruction, and teaching. One is the response of the wise or righteous child. He loves his instructor; he grows wiser; he increases in his learning. The other fellow the mocker, the wicked child responds with hatred, insults, and abuse. What accounts for the difference? “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Wisdom determines how a child responds to correction. Your children are never neutral in response to your parenting but always active. Whatever they do with God, whatever they determine to worship and serve, will determine how they respond to your parenting efforts. Two children from the same home may respond in very different ways to the same parenting style. That’s why it is not possible to provide a guarantee that if you get it right, children will respond with faith.

The desire for such assurances is easily understood. From the time your first child is born, you realize you will never have a happy day if your child is unhappy. The parents’ love creates a longing for their child to thrive and flourish. That desire takes on eternal significance when we think of our children’s immortality. The idea that they could go into eternity without God is unbearable for any believing parent. So we long for assurance that there is something we can do that will guarantee their everlasting joy and happiness in the presence of God.

I recall how sobering these thoughts were to me as a young father. I realized that as a fallen man I had passed on to my young children a nature that is fallen and corrupt, but I could not pass on to them the grace of forgiveness and new life in Christ. I remember thinking that each day as I taught my children the Scriptures I gave them the truth that would either be their salvation or increase their accountability before God, for to whom much is given much will be expected.

Child Salvation by (Parental) Works?

We cannot save our children. We don’t like to face that. We long for some guarantee, some assurance that if we do the right things they will turn out all right. But in some ways, it is a relief to face that reality. If you think of it, the idea that we must save them through our good works is a pressure no parent can bear. It hinges our children’s eternal destiny on our ability to perform.

We have to be able to represent God in all his glory, teach them adequately, be a vibrant example of true spirituality, and we have to do it all flawlessly or our children will be forever lost. The fact is that I failed as a parent. Too often my pride and self-righteousness got in the way. I personalized my children’s sins as if they were sins against me and not against God. I was inconsistent, sometimes capricious, too busy, too concerned about me, too blind to the idols of my heart.

What Are We to Do?

Then why bother? If I cannot be assured that good biblical parenting will produce saved children, why bother? Why work so hard at the parenting task? Why read books on parenting, why work so hard on the ways we structure family life and the effort we put into things like family worship, faithfulness in church, and careful, timely, appropriate discipline?

We do these things because it is our calling as God’s redeemed people. Ephesians 6:4 says we should bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Deuteronomy 6 says that God’s words are to be upon our hearts and impressed diligently upon our children. We do these things out of love for God. It is our delight to obey God and to teach his ways to our children. His grace makes us delight in him and his law in our inmost being (Rom. 7:22).

Parents often ask, “What hope then is there for my kids, if I cannot get them into the Kingdom by my faithful parenting? What’s my hope?” Our hope is not our fidelity to the law of good parenting but to the power of the gospel. Our hope is the wonder of grace. Our hope is that God has placed our children in our home and has given us the one true answer for our kids’ most profound needs.

God has put them in a family where they are confronted with their sin and the goodness of the One who came into the world to save sinners. Every day I am bringing grace to my children. I have the opportunity to model the grace of the gospel by honestly confessing my own failures and responding to their failures with gracious discipline and discipling. They daily hear the word of God. We know that faith comes by hearing.

Each week we gather where the church sings God’s praises, and they hear God’s people pray and listen to the word of God preached. They are confronted with the vibrant reality of the worshiping church, interpreting life through the lens of Scripture. Historically, God has used these means to bring people to faith, and so I pray week by week that God will, through these means, shine his light into their hearts, giving them the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 4:6).

There was a mother whom I was privileged to serve in the church. She prayed for her son’s salvation. She prayed for fifty-eight years without giving way to unbelief, but she died without seeing him come to faith. Within several years of her death, however, God brought her son to see his need for grace and to embrace Christ and his saving grace. Her prayers were answered even though she did not live to see the answer.

This hope will seem insufficient to the one who is looking for performance guarantees. But this is a realistic hope that keeps me on my knees before God, beseeching him to do in and for my children what I cannot do myself. It keeps me humble in prayer, asking God to use the means he has appointed. It keeps me casting myself on his grace and mercy. It makes me a humble supplicant before the sovereign God of grace. My encouragement is not that I can get it right but that God is a willing, able, powerful Savior of sinners.

Us Four and No More

The following article was copied from www.d6family.com.

My husband and I both work full time in ministry. We are the proud parents of two teenagers. Often, as a family, we are pulled in different directions. Sports, jobs, theatre practice, music lessons, church events, and so on. We get caught up in all we have to do; all of the people that need us. When we start to feel busy or overwhelmed as a family, one of us will say “OK, us four, no more.” That means it is time to hit pause and spend time together as a family—just the four of us and no one else.

You can improve the quality of your family time by doing things together as a family every chance you get. The activities can be big or small, planned or spontaneous. It’s just about spending time together. If you are looking for ideas to create quality family time, here are a few activities you can try with your family.

Have a family devotional
Game night
Build a snowman
Pack a picnic
Go on a family bike ride
Fly a kite
Make a bird feeder
Watch old home movies
Hang out around the fire-pit
Read a book together
Pull out sleeping bags and have an indoor campout
Roast marshmallows in your fireplace and make s’mores
Throw ball in the back yard
Have a Nerf battle
Go ice skating
Shoot some hoops
Have a dance party
Pitch a tent in your back yard
Make a fort in your living room
Draw a family portrait
Paint a picture to hang in your home
Play hide and seek
Make homemade ice cream
Have an outdoor movie night
Go to Goodwill and pick out an outfit for each other to wear
Make play dough creations
Go on a hike
Play four square
Do a puzzle
Try Geocaching
Make a time capsule
Watch the sunset
Have a craft night
Look at family photo albums together
Make your own pizza night
Go swimming
Have a lip sync battle
Write letters to each other
Plant a garden
Make a meal for someone who is sick
Play charades
Play Frisbee together
Create sidewalk chalk masterpieces
Go stargazing
Make a craft from Pinterest together
Go bowling

Remember, these family time activities do not have to be complicated. Your children just want to spend time with you and make fun memories as a family.

Even Toddlers Can Memorize Scripture

** The following article was copied from www.familylife.com.

If toddlers can memorize favorite songs and stories, why not help them learn the Word of God?

One night our son Isaac, age 2½, decided that he wanted to be continually thrown into the air. He would run over to me and say, “Do one more.” In his world this means I should scoop him up and throw him up into the air. After catching him and putting him back on the ground, he would run “flying” around the room.

As we were playing, my wife and I decided that Isaac should recite one Bible verse each time before I would throw him into the air. It was unorthodox, but he engaged and we were able to go through seven or eight verses that he had been working on over the past several weeks.

So have you ever thought about helping your toddler memorize Bible verses?  Don’t be afraid to start working with them at a young age. Toddlers are a lot smarter than what we give them credit. They can master their favorite songs, repeat stories from their books, and understand the entirety of the word “No.” Why not help them learn the Word of God?

Memorizing Scripture is an important step to gluing the Word of God to a child’s heart. In the Bible, Israelite parents were instructed to teach the commands of God to their children (Deuteronomy 6:7). The same principle applies to us today.

Like planting a seed in good soil, teaching a child the Word of God at an early age will help prepare a firm rooting with plenty of nutrients for life. It can be done.

My wife and I decided to start teaching our son memory verses around his second birthday. It was difficult at first, but the moment I heard Isaac recite his first full Bible verse made me the proudest dad on the planet.

We started with Romans 12: 9-10. Admittedly, it was a little haphazard at first. Isaac would goof around or act like he wasn’t paying any attention. But finally after a few weeks he remembered the verses in their entirety.

Here are a few tips I learned from our early stages of teaching our toddler to memorize Bible verses. Feel free to try them out for yourself or add your own unique style. The key is just to be intentional and let your toddler take it from there.

1. It takes two.  Technically, a child can learn a Bible verse with the help of only one parent, but it goes so much better when both Mom and Dad are actively engaged in the learning process. Understandingly, Mom may have a more active role because she may have more time with the kids, but this doesn’t excuse Dad from the process.

Be intentional. Your toddler needs to see both parents modeling a discipline of Scripture memory. Both parents don’t need to be present when practicing, but it is helpful to create a memorization plan that the family can work on together.

2. Don’t dumb it down. The Bible is full of words that are difficult for toddlers to grasp (they are even difficult for adults). After all, it wasn’t written as a children’s fairy tale. The words are rich and teach  us what it means to follow Christ. This is not an easy process, but I believe it would be an injustice to our kids to water it down. Remember, they are much smarter than what we realize.

For example, look at Romans 12:9, “Abhor what is evil.” Abhor is a funny word. Maybe it is only funny to me because my wife teases me for how I pronounce it. The meaning of it is also hard. I guarantee abhor was not the first word on your mind this morning. It means “to regard with extreme repugnance or aversion.” A toddler feels that way about taking a nap. Teach your kids the hard words. If you don’t know what it means, take the opportunity to learn for yourself while teaching them. Our families don’t need a watered down Bible, they need the full Truth.

3. Repetition is important. A major way people learn is by repeating an action over and over and over and over. Repetition doesn’t mean boring, however.

Memorizing Scripture can be done in creative ways. It works better for some families to practice at a specific time every day. Another option is to make note cards of each verse and put them on your table. At every meal you can work on it as a family. Or you could make a memory verse part of the bedtime routine. Kids thrive on structure; why not add a verse in with brushing teeth, goodnight hugs, and prayers? The more we practice, the easier it will become.

4. Repetition is important.  A major way people learn is by repeating an action over and over and over and over … you get the idea. Okay, point made, moving on …

5. Use your arms and legs. Add motions to the verse you are trying to memorize. Kids love motions and if your child is anything like mine, he is constantly moving anyway. So why not use this to your advantage? Make up silly hand, arm, leg, head, or body motions to help describe what you are learning.

And do the motions with them. Toddlers are copy cats. This is a great way to get the whole family involved as you dance around on the living room floor reciting the verse.

6. Mark it on your wall. Most kids, and adults for that matter, are visual learners. Finding a creative way to put the verse in an everyday spot is a big help. Here are some creative ideas: Frame a verse and put it on your wall. Or write it in chalk on décor in your house. Write it on the mirror with a dry erase marker. Scripture templates are available online for you to print and display in your house. My wife, Emily, created a subway art canvas of Romans 12 on Shutterfly to hang on our living room wall. This has been a great reminder for our family.

7. Join the fun. Who said memorizing Bible verses has to be boring? I think kids grow up thinking the Bible is boring because of the attitudes they see from their parents.

The key is making it fun.  And it’s not fun unless the whole family is involved.  It’s up to us, Dad and Mom, to make the Bible come alive to our children.

10 Parenting Hacks to Make Life Easier with Little Kids

** The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org

“I don’t know what to do with all this time on my hands,” said no parent ever.

Once you become a parent, finding time to do the things you want and need to do is similar to catching Harry Potter’s golden snitch—nearly impossible, but incredibly rewarding when you do (a special shout out to all the Muggle readers who caught the Quidditch reference). It’s an odd thing, time—it feels like your kid eats it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and their afternoon snack.

You’ve probably got a list of things you do to help you have some semblance of being in control of your life and schedule, but here are some of my favorite parenting life hacks:

1. In lieu of birthday gifts, ask for free babysitting from family and friends. You don’t need another Amazon gift card (though, those are always nice). What you really need is a chance to eat your meal in the way it was meant to be consumed—hot and without little bites taken from it. For your birthday, ask your friends and family for the gift of time to watch your kids so you can have some much needed “me time.”

2. Zippers and more zippers. No one has time for buttons and snaps, especially when you have multiple kids and wiggly ones at that. When my daughter was a newborn, I found zippers super helpful and efficient when I needed to get her dressed quickly in the middle of the night.

3. Consolidate and minimize. Having a lot of clothing options for your younger kids means more to you than it does to them. Take an honest inventory of what they really need and wear and get rid of all the rest (check out some documentaries on minimalism for purge inspiration). You’ll have to find something else to do with all that time you used to spend doing laundry.

4. Online grocery shopping with curbside pickup. I was not a believer in this at first. I felt lazy and a contributor to the demise of brick and mortar establishments. But man, is it helpful and quick to do your grocery shopping online! I tried it for the first time a few months ago and I’m a believer. I’m the type to go to multiple grocery stores to find the best deals, so this has helped me avoid my hubby’s “But you’re spending more gas this way” lecture advice.

5. Stop folding baby/toddler clothes. Guess who doesn’t care about the wrinkles in their onesies? The kid you’re holding who just learned how to control their own neck. I stopped folding and hanging up my daughter’s clothes, and instead keep things organized(ish) in a hamper.

6. Do as much prep the night before. With kids, there will always be a cause for tardiness, even for the promptest of folks. Do as much as you can the night before—prep the diaper bag, lay out clothes, and prepare lunches, not only for your kids, but for yourself, too.

7. Commit to a bedtime routine. It may seem too rigid and might cause the older generations to roll their eyes, but getting your kids used to a bedtime routine puts time back in your day. When you use a routine to signal bedtime, they go to sleep a lot faster.

8. Get kid-sized cleaning supplies and make cleaning up a fun activity. For now, at least, one of my daughter’s favorite things to do is help me clean the kitchen. Her grandparents bought her a miniature cleaning set—which includes a toddler-sized broom, dustpan, mop, and more—that she uses whenever I start to clean. Pro Tip: Place painter’s tape in the shape of a square on the floor and ask your kids to sweep debris into the square. This turns sweeping into a game and reduces how much time you spend doing it.

9. Shop consignment sales for kids clothes. I’ve recently joined the world of consignment shopping for my daughter’s clothes. At consignment sales, consignors sell their kids’ gently used clothes at a fraction of their original cost during certain seasons, usually March for summer clothes, August for winter clothes. It’s nice to get the bulk of your clothes shopping for your children out of the way while being mindful of your budget.

10. Sign up for a food subscription box. At the end of the day, sometimes you don’t have enough brain capacity to figure out new dinner recipes. Sign up for a food subscription box to take the thinking out of this task and potentially cut down on food waste (and not to mention eyerolls from your family when Taco Tuesday becomes Taco Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday). Most of these subscriptions offer the first box for free.

Need More? : 23 Parenting Hacks for Parents of Little Kids

5 Things You’ll Never Regret

** The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

Yes, it really was a bad idea to give your six-year-old access to the finger paints while you did the laundry. Or to let your fourteen-year-old son stay overnight at his friend’s place without triple checking to make sure his parents were home.

And maybe it wasn’t all that wise when you had that fight heated conversation in the kitchen when the kids were watching cartoons.

We all have regrets.
But the flip side is also true.

We all have things we’ll never regret doing as a parent. And if you think about doing things you’ll never regret, you can actually do them more often.

Here are 5 things I think you’ll never regret as a parent:

1 – TAKING FAMILY VACATIONS

It can be so hard to find both time and money to get away, but it’s been one of the best things we’ve done as a family over the years.

While staycations can be decent, a vacation moves everyone out of their native environment. There’s no grass to cut, no clutter to clean up every three hours, no video games to play for hours and hours and hours, or friends who want you to come over (again). All of you move into new experiences and new environments together. 

Even if you don’t have a ton of money, borrow someone’s house for the weekend (we’ve done that), and change up the scenery.  Moments away will become some of your kids’ fondest memories—and yours.

2 – PUTTING EACH OTHER BEFORE THE KIDS

You’ve probably heard it as much as I have: One of the greatest gifts any parent can give a child is a healthy marriage.
It’s as important for your child to know you love each other as it is for your child to know you love them.

So take a date night. Hire and sitter or enlist the grandparents and go on a weekend away. Your friends will be envious (we haven’t been away together without the kids in seven years!!!), and you’ll have so much fun you’ll think you’re dating again.

Here’s something else I’ve discovered. Eventually the kids move out (really…no lies!), and all you have left is each other. It works way better when you’ve built up your relationship to the point where you actually still like each other. 

3 – CREATING TRADITIONS

My wife is so good at this. She knew early on that family traditions are a great thing.

For example, on Christmas morning, we eat desserts like chocolate covered apples for breakfast. (No, Christmas and breakfast chocolate aren’t related, but don’t spoil things here). I don’t know how that tradition started, and I don’t even know that it’s a good idea, but we love it. And to this day, we can’t wait to dig into chocolate and stuff that really isn’t good for us in honor of Christmas.

We’re not big into baseball as a family (although I’ve always loved it), but every year I took my boys to a Blue Jays game. Now they insist on taking me. It’s a tradition.

We also go back to the same place every year for a week every year in the summer. That spot is now filled with two decades of family memories.

4 – INCORPORATING GOD INTO THE RHYTHM OF FAMILY LIFE

Yep, life is busy. And talking about God can be . . . well, awkward.

But figuring out a way to make God a natural part of the conversation is a great practice to establish early. The baby and toddler years are perfect places to start with morning and bedtime stories and prayers.

In the elementary years, meal times are great places to talk about God and life.

And even in the teen years, driving around in the car or hanging out after dinner are great times to talk about faith.

If you do this well, having conversations with your kids into their college and adult years won’t be that difficult.

5 – SETTING BOUNDARIES

So much of the conflict that happens between parents and kids, and between parents, happens because boundaries aren’t clear.

Boundaries and limits are something we both crave and resist. We think freedom resides in having no boundaries and limits, until we have none. Then we crave them.

Kids are masters at pushing the boundaries.

If you can set and agree on boundaries ahead of time, life becomes so much simpler. Then you have a solution to a problem (like curfew) before it arises.

Sure, if you have healthy limits for your kids as they move into their pre-teen and teen years, you too will be inducted into the Worst Parent Ever In The History Of Parenting category by your darling child, which is exactly where every parent enforcing a boundary will find themselves at some point.

But secretly your kids crave boundaries. And one day, they’ll thank you for setting them. Okay, I said one day . . .

So those are five things I’ve never regretted doing as a parent.

7 Scripture Verses for the Single Parent Journey

* The following article was copied from www.crosswalk.com.

Single parenting is not for the weak. Everything, yes, that’s right, everything falls on your shoulders… especially when your kids are young. Here’s some to name a few: all the meals, the bills, the laundry, the homework, the after school activities, the bath times, the bedtimes. And, y’all that’s just the easy stuff! Then comes the responsibility of actually raising a Christ-loving productive member of society. It can seem overwhelming.

When I was a single parent, trying to do everything on my own left my spirit totally depleted and my nerves on edge. My children and I were having daily meltdowns like ice cream cones left out in the July heat. We were a sticky hot mess. I had to change. So, I learned it was impossible for me to survive without the supernatural peace and strength of Jesus. I leaned into the Word and applied it to my everyday life. It didn’t mean our lives were perfect; it just meant that we weren’t on our own. These verses helped me through my single parenting journey.

Acceptance: I didn’t dream of becoming a single parent when I was little girl. But, sometimes life happens and we don’t get a say in the roads we take. Instead of fighting my circumstances (a losing battle I should say), I had to learn to accept it. I couldn’t change the fact that I was a single parent, but I could control how I responded to it. I learned to find joy through Christ in the midst of a difficult situation.

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”(Philippians 4:12-13)

Guidance: To parent well, we have to guide and shepherd our children’s hearts. That responsibility is heavy for married parents, but when you’re single parenting it can seem almost seem impossible. Every night, I would repeat the day’s conversations and interactions with my children over and over again in my head. Did I handle that right with my daughter? Was I tender enough with my son? Have I scarred them for life? That’s just in one day! I had to recognize that the Lord purposefully chose me to be my children’s parent, and He is guiding me every step of the way.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’” (Isaiah 30:21)

Speak Love: Being a single parent can make the most patient person lose their entire jar of marbles. When we are pulled in a trillion different directions and little Sally just took a drink out of your sweet tea with her green runny nose, we can say things we don’t mean out of sheer exhaustion. Our words have so much power over how our children see themselves and relate to the rest of the world. I know we all make mistakes, but let’s try to lift our children with our words, and not crush their little spirits.

“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4)

Protection: Becoming a single parent wasn’t an easy journey. The children and I were emotionally bruised and battered along the way. So much so, I had become conditioned to chaos. After the dust settled, and we had this new “life”, I was always waiting for some other kind of traumatic event to happen to knock us off our feet. Every phone call caused anxiety because I didn’t know what kind of news it would bring. But, living life in high anxiety didn’t work for me. I knew the Lord was in control, but I had to put my trust in His protection.

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side.” (Psalm 3:3-6)

Strength: We all need strength being a parent. But, it seems that in being a single parent, we need supernatural strength. We need strength physically for the everyday needs. But, we also need strength for the emotional attention of the long talks before bedtime with the teenage daughter, the loving hug that can cure the skinned knee, and the sheer will that it takes to make eye contact with a toddler that is telling you a story that is amazing to them, but all you can think about is that bar of dark chocolate that you’ve hidden away. Finding strength in the present is the investment in our children that will reap a beautiful return in the future.

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.’” (Mark 10:27)

Faith: My children were raised in a broken home. They have seen and felt things that no child should. But, just because life has been hard doesn’t mean that God is not good. Yes, we went to church and Sunday school, but the Christian walk is so much more than that. I felt a deep desire and responsibility to intentionally guide my children to Jesus in the everyday situations. You know, I can’t make them choose to become believers, but through my personal faith, I hope to share His unfailing love.

“Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 11:19)

Finances: For me, I used to worry about money constantly. We were barely making ends meet on a good month, but throw in a sick visit or a school fee… and well the budget was blown to smithereens. I found I was putting my security in money instead of the Lord and it was making me all off balance. The Lord had always met all of our needs; what would make Him stop now? Me worrying about it didn’t do anything but cause a few extra wrinkles and a whole lot of gray hair.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:25-27)

Written By Shannon DeGarmo; speaker; author of The Bounce Back Woman; Featured Contributor of Keep the Faith radio; Contributor of LifeWay’s HomeLife Magazine. Check out Shannon’s website (www.shannondegarmo.com) and visit her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Father’s Day: 10 Things You Should Ask Your Kids For

** The following article was copied from www.allprodad.com.

Most dads think of Father’s Day one-dimensionally. We tend to look forward to kicking back, enjoying a few guilt-free hours watching the US Open on television. A Father’s Day gift guide might include a nice card or two, a needless tie, and maybe a day-off when it comes to active parenting, policing the drama that goes on around the house. But the foundational idea of Father’s Day is that of celebrating the relationship, not catering to the dad. We are dads so that we can do dad things that mean something, and we have the best celebrations when stuff happens that draws us closer to our kids.

With that in mind, consider setting the agenda for Father’s Day this year and actually putting some ideas out there that will help solidify what to get for father’s day. Here are some suggestions, the 10 things you should ask your kids for this Dad’s Day.

1. Time

If you’re a dad, you’ve already done the math. You know it’s going to be no time at all until they head off and live the rest of their lives. Do what it takes to grab some memories before they grab the car keys.

2. Honesty

It’s a fact that we can’t love what we don’t know. Make it clear to your kids that your love wants to know more than it wants to judge. It’s the love that heals, not the disapproval.

3. Advice (theirs)

Father knows best? How’s that working for you? How about asking for “Kids (might) know best?” Trust them enough to let them in to your open-ends and loose-strings. You’ll be surprised how much they already know.

4. A one-page note of their favorite memory

Get the kids writing and sharing stories and remembering good “Dad moments.” These are golden, and good for both dad and the kids.

5. Hugs

It doesn’t matter how old the children are, hugging dad should never go out of style. Be proactive on this one. Ask if you have to, but get it done.

6. Big ideas

Ask the kids to share their vision with you. This is a little different from advice, it’s “big picture” stuff. Ask your kids things like, “How would you solve world hunger?” Ask them what they think about big ideas such as space travel, world peace, and racism. Then listen.

7. A gift with staying power

Ask your children to think about a Father’s Day gift that won’t disappear in a day or two. Or ask them (for example) for one hour every Sunday afternoon for the next three months so you can pick their brain. Ask them for the commitment to walk a mile with you three times a week. You can even ask them to read you their favorite comic strip every day for a month. Ask for gifts that don’t end the moment they leave their hands.

8. A fresh start

We all need a little redemption. How about coming clean with your kids and asking for a fresh start? Maybe you’ve been harsh… Or maybe they’ve been consistently disrespectful… Maybe you’ve lost ground…Whatever is going on, try to model humility and see where the relationship goes.

9. A glimpse into their world

Prepare a list of ten “I’m too old, I don’t get this!” questions and have a Q&A session with your kid(s). Maybe they can respond with a list of their own. Who knows, you may end up communicating!

10. A dinner date

You may have to help pay for this one. But dinner out, one-on-one with each child, can be the most fun and the most productive parenting experience.

Building Bridges with Your Kids

** The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

Picture it. Family movie night. You’ve just popped an industrial-size bowl full of popcorn. You’ve got a mug of hot chocolate for each kid, with exactly 13 mini marshmallows each. Everyone’s snuggling under blankets and settling in for some much-needed R&R.

Then, the big question . . .
“What do you want to watch?”

It’s a dangerous thing to ask. You could end up with the latest Disney animated masterpiece. You might be in for a treat like the Greatest Showman. Or you might hear those three disastrous words . . . The Emoji Movie.

(I apologize if it’s your favorite. But, well, I can’t even.)

If you’re anything like me, you last about 30 seconds before you start glancing over at your phone. You think to yourself, “They probably won’t mind if I check my email.” Then you check football scores. You look at your Instagram likes. Your kids seem totally engrossed in the movie, right? What’s the harm?

A simple cue can signal something fundamental to your kids. That’s the good news and the bad news.

Picking up your phone might not seem like a big deal. But let’s be honest. If your daughter looks over and sees you checked out from the movie—something she likes; something she chose—what does that communicate to her?

As a parent, you probably bump up against this tension all the time. I know I do. Sure—you’ve got some interests in common with your kids. But you’ve got your “adult things.” They’ve got their “kid things.”

To a certain extent, this is perfectly healthy. All of us need some space and some autonomy in our lives. We’re different people with different likes and dislikes.

Going out golfing with the guys? Watching football on Sunday afternoons? Perfectly normal, in moderation. Your kids are going to have their own interests that will seem completely baffling to you, too. (For me, it’s those YouTube videos of adults unboxing and playing with kids’ toys. They love it. I just don’t understand.)

But here’s the danger: If everything you enjoy is separate from your kids, you may slowly, unintentionally, distance yourself from them.

To bridge that distance, a lot of families take vacations where they’re forced into close proximity with each other. That can work. Making memories together can certainly add valuable relational deposits. But that also begs the question: Do we really want to present quality time as an exception? Do we want the status quo of our family to be defined by parallel, but separate lives?

Our simple cues communicate more than we realize. As a parent, that’s a sobering reality. But remember how I said it could be good news, too?

I believe our kids notice when we take small steps in their direction. Not giant, sweeping, expensive overtures. Little things that communicate value.

When your daughter starts to tell you the funny thing her friend did at school, what if you shut the computer and gave her your full attention (and eye contact)?

Maybe you didn’t quite finish your project during work hours. What if you chose to put it away until after the kids’ bedtime so you could carve out time for family dinner at the table?

What if you asked questions about your son’s action figures and came up with your own silly chapters to add to their backstory?

None of us gets this right all the time. There’s always more we can do to build bridges to connect with our kids. But I think one of the biggest reasons we miss those opportunities is that reaching out seems intimidating. The gap seems too wide. We forget that intentional small steps can have a cumulative impact. Over time, they can send you confidently in the direction you want to go.

When my kids were just starting to walk, I remember that all I had to do to connect with them was sit down on the floor. When I did, they would head straight for me. They’d giggle and flop all over me. It was so simple and so pure. All it took was a decision on my part to be present.

I think the same principle is true for older kids, too. Maybe it just looks like a night in front of the Emoji Movie.

31 Questions to Help You Be a Better Parent

** The following article was copied from www.family life.com.

Feeling passionate about parenting? If you’d genuinely like a shot in the arm for your parenting, perhaps these questions can get you started. But remember: Their effectiveness is proportionate to your level of honesty, humility, and most of all, dependence on God’s power to make His presence a reality in your children’s lives.

1. What are the most significant cravings of each of my kids’ hearts?

2. How am I doing at building a relational bridge with my children? Do I “have their hearts”? Do they feel connected with and encouraged by me? Do I feel connected with them?

3. When I’m honest, what top five values do I feel most compelled to instill in my children? Would those line up with the top five values God would want my children to have?

4. What are each of my children’s greatest strengths and greatest weaknesses?

5. Am I being faithful to pray diligently, deeply, and watchfully for my kids? (For a great FamilyLife resource on this, click here.)

6. Which child in our family is most likely to be overlooked, and why?

7. Which child tends to receive most of my attention? Why?

8. How do I believe other people see each of my children? How do I feel about that? What portion of others’ opinions could I learn from, and what should I set aside?

9. Are my children developing more into givers than takers?

10. What life skills would I like my children to develop this year?

11. What are the events on the timeline of my children’s lives that have the most impact?

12. In what ways have my children exceeded my expectations?

13. Do I have any expectations of my children that have become demands that I clutch out of fear, rather than hopes that I seek from God by faith?

14. In what ways do I feel disappointed by my children? What can I learn from this? (For example, about what is valuable to me, about how God has made my children, about loving as God loves, etc.) What should I do about this in the future?

15. What is my greatest area of weakness as a parent? My greatest strength? What are my spouse’s?

16. In what ways are my children totally unlike me?

17. What did my parents do particularly well? In what ways do I hope to be different? (Is there any forgiveness that needs to happen there?)

18. What events from my childhood are important for me to shield my own children from? Are there ways that this has led to excessive control?

19. In what areas are my children most vulnerable?

20. What do I love about my kids? About being a parent?

21. How well do my spouse and I work as a team in our parenting?

22. How am I doing on preparing my children to be “launched” as thriving servants for God in the real world?

23. What can I do to equip my children to love well? To be wise? For successful relationships?

24. How is my children’s understanding of the Bible? How would I describe each of their relationships and walks with God?

25. Who are the other influential people in my kids’ lives? As I think of my children’s friends, teachers, coaches, etc., how can I best pray that they will complement my parenting and my kids’ needs?

26. Am I replenishing myself and taking adequate rests, so that my children see the gospel work of grace, patience, and peace in my home?

27. What are each of my kids passionate about? How can I spur on and develop their God-given passions?

28. How am I doing on teaching them biblical conflict resolution? Am I teaching them to be true peace-makers … or peace-fakers, or peace-breakers?

29. How authentically do I speak with my kids? Am I building a bridge of trust and security through my honesty and openness with them?

30. Am I striking a good balance between protecting my kids and equipping them for whatever they may encounter when they step outside of my home, now and in the future?

31. What great memories have I recently made with my kids?

The Missing Ingredient in Our Parenting

** The following article is copied from www.thegospelcoalition.com.

In our new parenting book, Equipping for Life, written primarily for young new or aspiring parents, we set forth three important aspects of parenting (we call them the 3 “Rs” of parenting): realism, relationship, and responsibility. While young couples often start out their parenting adventure with a healthy dose of idealism, in reality parenting is done by sinners on sinners and takes place in an imperfect world.

Additionally, the nature of parenting is often misconceived; it’s more than merely a task or assignment. Rather, it’s a complex and evolving relationship between parent and child, under God. Moreover, parenting needs to be given more of a priority than most give it; it’s a mistake to delegate parenting to teachers, coaches, or youth leaders and sideline essential parental involvement and engagement.

In this article, we’d like to share one insight that has increasingly deepened during the course of our own parenting journey that, if taken to heart and applied consistently, has the potential to revolutionize the way many of us go about parenting our children. This simple insight is that throughout our parenting efforts, character consistently must be made the key priority in everything we do and say.

Throughout our parenting efforts, character consistently must be made the key priority in everything we do and say.

In theory, this point may seem obvious, and few would likely disagree. In practice, however, many of us don’t actually parent in such a way that character is the overriding focus in the way we relate to and guide our children.

So, let’s briefly define character and then look at ways we can help our children develop character through the various life stages of parenting.

Importance of Character in Parenting

Character is who a person is at the core of their being. It affects all their relationships and accomplishments in life. And character doesn’t just appear in our children; we must be diligent to make it a focus, cultivating it in their lives, especially when they’re young. While many parents prize activities or achievements (sports, education, or good grades, to name just a few), character should be the priority and be valued as that which undergirds every aspect of life. In conjunction with establishing children in their personal faith in Jesus Christ, parents’ central concern should be on their child’s character development—as a response to what Jesus has done for them. At the core, we want to encourage our children to be more like Christ (Rom. 8:28–29).

As a child encounters various challenges and opportunities, his or her character is molded. The tendency for many young—and not so young—parents is to indulge their children, especially their first child and often also the youngest. However, if we pamper our children and permit them to get their way all—or even most of—the time, we’ll reap the consequences in the form of a spoiled, ungrateful child bent on getting his or her way. We’ll be training the heart of a manipulator who subtly but effectively subverts the role of the parent. This runs counter to the parental responsibility to foster traits of submission and cooperation within the family. The stewardship of developing character in our children is vital, not only for ourselves and our children, but also for the sake of family unity and dynamics, for the community of believers, and ultimately for the mission of God. It’s absolutely essential to stand firm as parents and make sure we’re parenting our childrenrather than the other way around.

Your primary goal in parenting is not to minimize conflict but to build genuine character.

Toward that end, it’ll be important to communicate from the beginning that you, not your child, is in charge. This isn’t a matter of trying to stifle our children’s development and self-expression or acting as overbearing despots shutting down all their initiatives. Rather, it’s a sign of true, committed love and of being responsible as a parent. As the book of Proverbs continually affirms, discipline is vital in childrearing, and the loving parent provides consistent correction and accountability (e.g., Prov. 6:23; 12:1; 14:24; 29:15).

As you move through the life cycle of parenting—from infancy to childhood to adolescence to early adulthood—the nature of your relationship with your child will inevitably change, but your commitment to building character should remain constant. This is what “responsible parenting” is all about.

In the short run, a laissez-faire, hands-off approach may seem preferable in that there may be less conflict, but it will not likely result in a young person marked by character and maturity. Remember—your primary goal in parenting is not to minimize conflict but to build genuine character.

Detriment of Misplaced Focus

So, as your child starts school, what is your main goal for them? Is it to see your son or daughter get good grades—straight A’s? Good grades certainly have some value and may be an indication of intelligence and academic ability—or at least of being able to do well within a given system of expectations—but they’re not always a reliable indicator of character (though they can be).

If not grades, is your focus as parents to promote your child’s athletic success? Being a good sports parent may be one of the signs of a “good” parent in this generation, but are you pushing your children too hard to excel in baseball or basketball or some other sport? You may be the perfect soccer parent, present at every game, capturing memorable moments on camera and posting them on social media—only if your child’s team won the game, of course—perhaps even the coach of your son’s or daughter’s team. You may sacrifice much of your time, especially on weekends, to invest in your child’s recreational pursuits. Yet your child’s heart may remain unregenerate, his mind set on winning at all cost, and his sense of identity staked on how well he did on the baseball or football field.

In the end, who is going to watch all those videos? What does it really matter if your son’s team won or lost a given game? But his character will have been affected, for better or for worse, and it’ll be too late for you to turn back the clock.

Role of the Spirit in Developing Character

Rather than focusing on good grades or athletic (or other) achievement, invest the bulk of your efforts on helping your child develop character. Since character is who a person truly is in their heart, exemplified in what they do when no one’s looking, good character means integrity—a stable core of conviction that isn’t easily shaken by peer pressure, cultural influences, or shifting circumstances.

As you seek to shape your child’s character, which values will you seek to impart? And what will be your strategy to teach and reinforce those values? Character isn’t formed by default or by chance. What’s more, children tend to imitate their parents’ behavior, so we’ll want to make sure that we ourselves are people of integrity.

So how do we accomplish this aim?

First, we can recognize that, while requiring parental focus and commitment, developing character in our children can’t be done apart from the Holy Spirit’s work in your child’s life. If we take on the task ourselves, the burden of forming character will be overwhelming; we just can’t build character in our children through our own efforts. The Spirit will do his work in our children as they enter their own relationship with God and as they themselves strive to be men and women of integrity and moral excellence by God’s grace.

Developing character in our children can’t be done apart from the Holy Spirit’s work in your child’s life.

A catena of Scripture passages on the Spirit shows that the Spirit produces in all of us (including our children) what is pleasing to God. As they walk with him, are led by him, livein him, keep in step with him, and are filled with him, they’ll set their mind on spiritual things, and the Spirit of the risen Christ will infuse their mortal bodies with supernatural strength to surmount their sinful nature. Paul encourages believers to “walk by the Spirit” and be “led by the Spirit,” and writes that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Gal. 5:16, 18, 23). He adds, “If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit” (Gal. 5:24). He also urges believers to be “filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18) and affirms that “those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit” (Rom. 8:5; cf. v. 11).

In this way, our children will be able to please God and “do all things through him who strengthens” us (Phil. 4:13). Again, the apostle Paul strikes the balance beautifully when he urges believers, “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:12–13). Encourage your children to strive actively to “work out their salvation,” trusting that God is at work in them, both to have the resolute will and the actual power to live the life God wants them to live.

If you’ve introduced your child to Christ—and he or she has received him and become a child of God—you have the opportunity to nurture their spiritual lives by impressing on them Scripture about the work of the Spirit in keeping with the above-cited passages. The last thing you’ll want to do is condition your children to live the Christian life in their own strength!

Final Plea

It’s character, parents! Focus your energies on developing character in your children. Don’t worry too much about good grades or athletic achievements. Those do have their place, but character trumps scholastic or athletic accomplishments in the end because Christlike character is a permanent, lasting fixture of our children’s lives, both in this present life and also in the life to come. Winning a tournament or playing at a recital, on the other hand, are temporal achievements—here today, gone tomorrow.

It’s character, parents! Focus your energies on developing character in your children.

Therefore, parents, care more about inculcating virtues such as integrity, honesty, and selflessness in your children than being unduly preoccupied with or blinded by external badges of honor.

The virtues God celebrates are Christlikeness and the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. If your child were to take his or her final exam in these characteristics, how would they do? Would they get an “A” or “F” in self-control, for example, or somewhere in between? What about the other virtues on the list? And how would you do? We know these are convicting questions.

While ultimately character is the result of the work of God’s Spirit within us, Scripture nonetheless urges us to “make every effort” to actively pursue these virtues and even to excel in them (2 Pet. 1:3–11). So, parents, let’s get to work and strive to build Christlike character in our children by the grace of God and in the power of the Holy Spirit!

The Truth About Parenting Preschoolers

** The following article was copied from theparentcue.org.

Before we had children, a friend once told us that, “Kids simultaneously ruin your life and make it awesome.”

Now, as the parents of a one-year-old and a three-year-old, we ruefully refer to this comment on a regular basis. It’s the truth of our story right now.

We love our kids.
We love our life.
And we are exhausted.

“Kids simultaneously ruin your life and make it awesome.” 

Every day, every hour, every minute, the highs are high and the lows bottom out.

One second, they are wrestling, bear hugging and giggling. Then we attempt lunch and the underweight 3-year-old refuses to take a single bite while the hangry 18-month-old is so worked up he hurls everything off his tray—and then howls to get it back. And as I pull out the broom for the 17th time, I try not to think how many more days, pre-loaded with three meals each, will roll around before this phase is over.

We’re so deep in this story it’s nearly impossible to step outside it for a moment of perspective.

Each day someone reminds me that my boys will be graduating high school before I can blink. I know it.

But that’s not what I need to hear right now.

I need other moms of littles who can tell me, in 30-second snippets of conversation between “don’t lick your shoe!” and “get down from there!” that this is really hard, and they’re just making it up as they go, too.

I need moms of grown kids who acknowledge that their years with preschoolers were rough, but that the work of raising tiny adults truly does pay off.

I need friends without kids who remind me that while “mama” is my most demanding role right now, it’s not my only role. There will be seasons when I can say “yes” more frequently to those other parts of who God has made me to be.

As a storyteller, I know that the best stories, the most satisfying moments, come only through the greatest conflict. Things need to be wrecked before they can be rebuilt. The greater the obstacles we navigate in these preschool years, the better and stronger our family’s story becomes.

The best stories, the most satisfying moments, come only through the greatest conflict.

When I write a story, I control the actions of my characters.
When it comes to parenting, I have approximately zero control over the responses of my willful, delightful, infuriating co-players.

I can (and do) sort through countless podcasts and blogs and books and advice for parenting wisdom. But in the end, my best choice is to lean into the Master Storyteller, over and over, moment by moment, for my kids . . .  and trust that he is in the business of telling the best story with our family.

Speed Kills

** The following article was copied from www.homeWord.com.

What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil. –Job 3:25-26

The pace of life is killing the soul of families. It makes good people act crazy and makes otherwise healthy individuals become vulnerable—vulnerable to sickness, vulnerable to broken relationships and vulnerable to sin. The old adage “speed kills” no longer refers only to drivers on the highway.

Today’s family is dangerously tired. We are too busy and too distracted to find much hope unless we undergo drastic “family surgery.” The soul of a family is at risk when the family is overstretched and overcommitted. In my book, Creating an Intimate Marriage, one theme I focused on is the idea that when couples are overcommitted, they become unconnected. Doesn’t this hold true for families as well? What happens when our families run too fast for too long? The hurry and busyness of life can be the great destroyers of an otherwise healthy family. A philosopher in the previous century put it this way: “Hurry is not of the Devil; hurry is the Devil.” Decades later Richard Foster wrote, “Our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds. If he can keep us engaged in ‘muchness’ and ‘manyness,’ he will rest satisfied.”¹

Let’s face it: everything is more dangerous at high speed. When we are overly tired, we tend to become numb to what matters most in our life. We settle for mediocrity in our primary relationships with God, our spouse, our kids, our extended family and our friendships. The saddest part is that many of us are just too busy to care. When we are overcommitted, we postpone or cut short what matters most. Our to-do list seems necessary and unavoidable. We feel like we can never escape the persistent presence of bills, schedules, and other responsibilities. This ever-increasing pace of life turns even the best people into machines and greatly reduces our general level of happiness and fulfillment.

Choosing to cut back from the busy pace we live our lives can be difficult and involves tough choices. It requires the courage of your conviction that cutting back is in the best interest of your life and those of your family, even when doing so is contrary to what we so often see as the norm in today’s culture. Today, go against the flow. Slow down!

GOING DEEPER:
1. What do you find most difficult about the concept of cutting back?

2. How might reducing the pace of life bring healing and wholeness to your family?

FURTHER READING:
Psalm 23:2; Mark 6:31