5 Dangers of Distracted Parenting

* The following article was copied from www.allprodad.com.

Have you ever noticed how many parents are looking down at their phones and not engaging with their children? I see it all the time at parks, libraries, and even in homes, and it breaks my heart. We have a generation of boys and girls growing up with minimal parent interaction. Maybe that’s you. I am not here to condemn but to awaken. Why? Because if adjustments are not made soon, the dangers of distracted parenting will manifest into considerably greater problems as these children age.

We are a decade into smartphones and social media—a decade into distracted parenting. Did you know that 90 percent of a child’s brain growth happens by age five? And in subsequent years, children learn who they are and how they fit in and they develop personal values and beliefs. They need their parents in these formative years. But our kids don’t get what they need from parents who constantly give their attention to lesser things. Unless we are really disciplined with our phones, we’re going to hurt our children. Here are 5 dangers of distracted parenting.

1. It stunts your child’s emotional growth.

When parents are distracted and unengaged with their children, those children miss out on a crucial buffer to help them express emotions through healthy outlets. This void can potentially create behavioral issues. Dad, get in the game, literally. An actively engaged father helps relieve his children of stored-up energy in a positive way and helps set boundaries when physical play becomes too aggressive.

2. Your child feels insignificant.

Think of the silent message distracted parenting sends to your kids. For a child whose dad is constantly on his phone, it’s easy to believe that “something else is more important than me.” Failure to fully engage in your children’s lives robs them of any experiences that prove they are worth somebody’s undivided attention, thus reducing self-esteem and confidence. And it robs you of invaluable opportunities to be fully present in moments that only happen once.

3. It delays your child’s brain growth.

I will not deny we all have important obligations. What I will refute is the use of devices as a form of babysitting, which can seriously inhibit brain development. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screen time for children under 18 months and only two hours a day for children over the age of five, including teenagers. Are your children on screens for beneficial reasons, or just so you can do your own thing? Also be wise to the behavior you model to your child through continual personal screen time.

4. Your child does not develop communication skills.

It is not possible for a distracted parent to hold authentic dialogue with a child. A parent is a child’s first teacher, and conversational skills children will need to function as adults are drastically hindered when families are not actively communicating. Around the dinner table is one of the top examples of where dialogue can occur, but do not underestimate car rides, before and after school, and even at parks, libraries, and social gatherings.

5. Your child doesn’t develop empathy.

“The phone can wait; precious moments with your children cannot.”

I once saw a toddler tip over backward in her chair at the library. Coming to her mom crying and looking for comfort, she was met with resistance. The reason? Mom was too busy on Facebook. Whether two or twelve, when our children continually receive the message that their problems are not ours, they struggle to develop empathy because they rarely received it themselves. That spilled cup, lost item, or botched school project may not seem like a big deal to us—but it is for them.

Maria Edgeworth said, “If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.” The phone can wait; precious moments with your children cannot.

A Parenting Roadmap for Social Media

* The following article was copied from www.careynieuwhof.com.

By Jeff and Wendy Henderson

Parenting is much like a pendulum.

The tighter you pull back on the pendulum the faster it pulls away when you ultimately release it.

The aim of parenting is releasing our kids into the world, prepared and ready. It’s why we should slowly but consistently release the pendulum throughout the teenage years.

In the early years, pulling tightly on the pendulum makes perfect sense. This is the season of car seats. But before you know it, the one in the car seat will literally be in the driver’s seat driving away.

If we still treat them like they are in the car seat when they are teenagers, they will drive away unprepared to make decisions as an adult.

If we still treat them like they are in the car seat when they are teenagers, they will one drive away unprepared to make decisions as an adult.

In our presentations to parents about social media, we hear (and understand) the strong temptation to completely control, restrict and ban its use in the lives of their kids. And, that might be the right call for some teenagers in certain seasons and for certain reasons.

Our concern though is what happens when the kids go off to college or ultimately leave the home – which, by the way, is the goal.

When the parenting pendulum has been so tightly pulled back, controlled and restrictive, the natural counter-reaction is to swing wildly in the other direction when released. There’s a phrase for this.

It’s called Freshman Year.

When the parenting pendulum has been so tightly pulled back, controlled and restrictive, the natural counter-reaction is to swing wildly in the other direction when released.

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY

We can apply this parenting principle which is so helpful and true when our kids are teenagers:

Great parenting isn’t controlling. Great parenting is coaching.

Great parenting isn’t controlling. Great parenting is coaching.

This is true in all areas of life, and social media is one of them.

Coaching our kids on how to use technology is a much better strategy than simply controlling their technology use. That’s not to say you give up control. Remember, you are the parent. You are in control. But as Andy Stanley says, “Approach is everything.”

How we approach our kids on this and any topic makes all the difference.

Think of it like teaching our kids how to drive a car. If we dug in our heels and said, “There are a lot of things that could go wrong. You are not driving a car,” well, that’s an approach. But probably not a healthy one.

The better approach is what we normally do. It’s a process.

There is a learner’s permit, driving school and rules for the road.

We don’t just hand a teenager keys to a car and say, “Good luck.”

And yet, sometimes, that’s what happens with technology. We hand our kids a phone and say, “Good luck” with very little training or coaching.

It’s why social media should be like learning to drive. There should be a learner’s permit, driving school and rules for the road.

Since this doesn’t currently exist, we are going to give you ideas for each one of these.

The ultimate goal of this parenting roadmap is helping you slowly release the parenting pendulum so that when you ultimately release it the result isn’t a wild swing in the opposite direction. It results in our kids being released with the wisdom and maturity to make the best decisions possible.

Coaching our kids on how to use technology is a much better strategy than simply controlling their technology use.

LEARNER’S PERMIT

Before you begin coaching your kids on social media, it’s helpful to begin with some basic rules regarding their phone use:

• Please repeat this statement to your kids over and over: “The primary reason you have a phone is so that I can get in touch with you. It is not so you can get in touch with your friends.”

• The “Find my Friends” app is your friend. Our kids know we are tracking them via their phone and we know exactly where they are. This is a great gift to us as parents (though we’re glad our parents didn’t have this!)

• Limiting where their phone is used in the home will limit the use of their phone. (We discussed this in detail in our previous blog post.)

• Inform them of the monthly cost of their phone and when they can, have them contribute to the cost. This not only teaches them about technology but also about finances.

• Read their text messages. Yes, that’s right. Invade their privacy. We told our kids there should be no deleting of text messages. We didn’t tell them when we would read their text messages, only that we would from time to time. This helped provide some great conversations and coaching about how to respond to certain situations as well as getting a glimpse on what they are thinking. It also, perhaps, forced them to have an actual conversation with a friend versus texting about it. This was a win in and of itself.

Please repeat this statement to your kids over and over: “The primary reason you have a phone is so that I can get in touch with you. It is not so you can get in touch with your friends.”

DRIVING SCHOOL

You are the instructor of this school, even if you don’t consider yourself very tech-savvy. How the instructor drives is often how the student drives.

• No phones at the dinner table.

• When parents limit their own use of technology at home, it is modeling the way for their kids.

When parents limit their own use of technology at home, it is modeling the way for their kids.

• With any school, there are certain milestones and tests that lead to graduation. As we said in our last post, when our kids wanted to get on Snapchat, we had an age milestone of 16 years old. Until they were 16, it was non-negotiable. Once they reached 16, they had to watch the sermon series “The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating” by Andy Stanley. Watching a series on love, sex and dating with your parents would certainly make any teenager wonder how much they really wanted a Snapchat account.

• Point out positive role models on social media. Often, we only hear the negative side of technology. However, there is a very positive side. We have had great discussions about what certain athletes or other role models have shared on social media – whether it is a quote or how they are living their lives. This, of course, would require you to be following and taking notes of how you can leverage the positive stories you find and using it as a part of your social media driver’s school. Take advantage of the positive stories out there and use them as coaching tools.

Point out positive role models on social media.

• Pick one social media channel and stay with that one for a year. There really isn’t any reason for our kids to have multiple social media channels starting out. It’s much easier for you to manage and train them with just one channel.

• Once you have selected that one channel, be sure to follow your teenager and make their account private. Keep an eye on whom they are following and who is following them.

• In most social media channels, you can be alerted when your teenager posts something. This allows you to encourage them on something they posted, or provide feedback if you didn’t like what they posted. Either way, the point is clear to your kids – you are paying attention to what they are doing on social media. It’s all part of the Social Media Driving School.

There really isn’t any reason for our kids to have multiple social media channels starting out.

RULES FOR THE ROAD

Think of these ten rules for the road as road signs and speed limits. You might even consider posting them somewhere in your house.

• Never text or post out of anger. It’s like going to the grocery store hungry. Both will lead to regret.

Never text or post out of anger. It’s like going to the grocery store hungry. Both will lead to regret.

• Ask this question before texting or posting: “Would I want my parents to read this?”

• Ask this question before texting or posting: “Will I regret this five years from now?”

• Criticize in person not online. If you have something negative to say, say it directly and privately.

• Are you able to take a break from social media for ten days? If not, it’s time to take a break from social media.

Are you able to take a break from social media for ten days? If not, it’s time to take a break from social media.

• Be an encourager online, not a critic.

• Be the same person online as you are offline.

• If you aren’t sure you should post it, don’t.

• The pictures you show of yourself should be modest and tasteful.

If you aren’t sure you should post it, don’t. The pictures you show of yourself should be modest and tasteful.

• Never determine your self-worth and identity from social media. If you do, you have given over control of your life to other people.

In many ways, parenting is more challenging today than ever before because these days of technology are unprecedented. While it is understandable to parent out of fear, it’s much better to parent out of faith knowing that God loves our kids more than we do and He has promised to give us wisdom when we ask.

While it is understandable to parent out of fear, it’s much better to parent out of faith knowing that God loves our kids more than we do and He has promised to give us wisdom when we ask.

7 Ways to Manage Screen Time This Summer

* The following article was copied from www.ministrytoparents.com.

Written by Tony Bianco

Summer is upon us, which means families’ schedules and activities look very different with camps, vacations, and more free time.

During the school year, parents set expectations for students regarding screen time, and summer is no different.

Now that summer is here, we want to give you seven ways your family can manage screen time this summer.

1. DON’T TREAT IT LIKE THE SCHOOL YEAR.

If you want to be successful this summer with your student, go in acknowledging the difference in schedules. Even if the days are jam-packed with activities as-sume your student will have full days at home.

Set expectations with them whether you are home or not. Yes, this may mean more screen time than usual – that is okay! It’s summer! They have worked and done their best throughout the year, and now they have downtime- lots of it.

Many families start by adding one hour of additional screen time per day. This progression helps gauge their dependency and responsibility with it. The be-ginning of summer will be the heaviest of use. The first few weeks are full of junk and later balance out.

2. HAVE A SYSTEM TO MONITOR.

Depending on parents’ work hours, students may find themselves home alone for several hours of the day. Use a program that assists in time limits and web filtering to manage screen time over the summer.

They are a great benefit to the whole family. If you are interested in more infor-mation, check out our blog post where we reviewed programs (https://ministrytoparents.com/how-do-i-select-a-technology-monitoring-service/).

3. ENCOURAGE COMMUNITY.

Screen time can be a solo activity, but it doesn’t have to be. Encourage your student to use screen time to connect with others, not just binge watch on the sofa.

Part of the summer experience is navigating your student and their friendships! Summer can put time and space between friends, but parents can cultivate friendships and community for their kids if they find unique ways to bring them together.

4. INVEST IN EDUCATION.

Another creative idea is to require a set amount of educational screen time. Whether it’s reading on a Kindle or Nook or working on essays – not all time has to be “wasted.”

When you reward informative with play screen time you guide what they view first. This decision leads to a win-win for both parties.

5. SET SCREEN DAYS.

If your family travels a good bit on vacations or camps, perhaps set a schedule such as Monday/Wednesday/Friday are screen days and Tuesday/Thursday are screen-free. They can use those days to do something with someone or themselves.

This idea may not work for all families but putting away devices on purpose for an extended time will help during the school year. Setting a schedule also offers your student structure.

6. OUTDOORS = SCREEN TIME

If your student struggles to go outdoors or is turning into a couch potato, create incentives. Require that your student “earn” screen time by being active out-doors and away from screens.

One example is to spend two hours outside playing basketball to earn one hour of screen time. This option gives your student motivation to be active and fill their schedule with variety as well as time off screens.

7. HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT EXPECTATIONS.

As parents, we can jump in and do things for our family without fully explaining or considering all members. When we do, we invite division and resentment ra-ther than order and structure.

When it comes to screens and the hours of time students use them, communica-tion is essential! In my experience, the more you talk and discuss thoughts and feelings for why you do something the better they go along with it.

You may not verbally share screen time expectations with your student as of now but today would be a good time to start. Use summer and the new sched-ule as an excuse to have these conversations and set boundaries.

Communication is one of the most paramount tools you have as a parent!

Summertime brings a break in the school schedule granting students a considerable amount of screen time. Parents can find these moments challenging to manage. How-ever, adopt a few of the concepts mentioned above, lean into these coming months with positivity, and you will exchange a burden for an opportunity.

If you already have set boundaries with your student then tweak them as needed. For those moving into the summer with a blank slate, this occasion could be the start of a new normal and a new way for the use of screens in the home.

As always, pray about these decisions before you make them and don’t be afraid to be transparent with your student before you introduce the guidelines.

Written by Tony Blanco

TONY BIANCO has been in Student Ministry for 10+ years with his wife Diamend with whom they have two amazing kids. He is a former Radio DJ, Technology Reviewer, GameStop Manager, Apple Store Expert, and the author of The Family Technology Plan.

4 Mistakes Parents Make with Technology

* The following article was copied from www.careynieuwhof.com.

By Jeff Henderson

Do you remember when the phone rang and you wondered who was calling? Your kids will never know that feeling. They simply look on the screen to see who it is. 

You certainly don’t need me to tell you our kids are growing up in a different world than we did.  

Technology is having a pervasive influence on all of us, especially the next generation. And while it certainly has its positive attributes, the cracks on the hearts and minds of this generation are beginning to show. 

In 2011, sociologists noticed an unprecedented increase in anxiety and depression among teenagers. As Cal Newport points out in his excellent book Digital Minimalism, the only factor that also dramatically increased at this time was the number of teenagers owning their own smartphone.  

“The use of social media and smartphones look culpable for the increase in teen mental-health issues,” said Jean Twenge, San Diego State psychology professor. In her article for the Atlantic entitled Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? she went on to add, “It’s enough for an arrest – and as we get more data, it might be enough for a conviction.” 

This new reality has caused anxiety and fear on the part of parents, and rightly so. How do we find the right balance for our kids between benefiting from technology while avoiding the danger of it?  That’s a great question. 

The goal isn’t to ban technology. The goal is to manage it. Like anything in life, when managed and led well, technology can actually be an asset to our lives.  

To get there, we need to avoid these four common mistakes parents make with technology.

How do we find the right balance for our kids between benefiting from technology while avoiding the danger of it? The goal isn’t to ban technology. The goal is to manage it.

1. ALLOWING KIDS TO TAKE PHONES INTO THEIR ROOMS

One of the best ways to manage technology use is to limit where it is used at home.  

Wendy and I made it clear to our kids that all technology stayed on the main level. There were times they “forgot” and this resulted in restrictions on their phone use. 

Plus, by reducing phone use to the main level, it created more time with us and the family versus being alone and lost in time on their phones.

Remember, the goal isn’t eliminating technology. It’s managing it. When kids take their phones into their rooms it results in more screen time. Kids don’t need more screen time. They need more family time.

The obvious pushback from kids is, “I’m bored.” Let me give you some encouragement. 

When you hear “Mom/Dad, I’m bored,” it’s a sign of great parenting.

Somewhere along the line, we equated boredom with bad parenting. It should not be our goal to entertain our kids. It’s our goal to raise them as well as we can with character, love, and care. Not only that, boredom is actually a gift. It’s the place where kids discover creativity, how to think, and where their minds are provided a time to rest.  

Also, it’s helpful to define the purpose of why kids get a phone. The ultimate goal isn’t to play games or text with friends in their room all day.  

When our kids started getting more mobile – sports practices, after-school activities, going to a friend’s house – we wanted a way to stay in touch and to track them. (Shout-out to Find My Friends where we can track where our kids are.)

Whenever our kids didn’t respond promptly to a text from us we reminded them of this primary purpose of why they had a phone. It’s a privilege and responsibility to have a phone – which we can easily take away. 

Our phones used to be attached to walls. Now, we are attached to our phones. Unattach them from your kids at home.

2. NOT KEEPING UP WITH TECHNOLOGY

Recently during a Q&A at one of our presentations, a school principal stood up and pleaded with parents to not give up but to keep up with technology. This doesn’t mean you have to know the latest Snapchat filters but it does mean you need to take the mindset of a learner. 

Remember, our kids are digital natives. They were born into this. As a result, they have a natural advantage. We are immigrants to this new land but we can learn the customs and culture.  

You don’t have to know everything but you do need to know some things. The bigger risk is not keeping up. 

If you feel like you’re behind, here’s a starter’s kit: 

• Google is your friend.

  • You can learn a lot by searching for things like “apps to worry about” or “dangerous apps for kids and teenagers.” Additionally, searching for the most popular apps for the ages of your kids will help you know what their friends are talking about.

• Participate in the apps your kids/teens are using.

  • Keeping up with technology is like learning a new language. You’ve got to start speaking the language. One of the ways to do this is by signing up for an Instagram account for example. Wendy and I not only follow our kids on social media we also follow many of their friends as well. When your kids know you’re watching what they post, it’s fantastic accountability. Also, it’s one of the ways we were made aware of Finstas – which are fake Instagram accounts.

• Ask Questions out of interest instead of judgment.

  • Be curious. Ask your kids to help you keep up with technology. Ask them, “What is the hottest app?” “How do you plan on using it?” “What’s cool about this app?

A lot of times our kids want apps just because their friends have them not because they are intentionally trying to get bad or dangerous ones. Sure, they may not want to talk about this but remind them who pays their cell phone bill and that it’s part of their job to keep you current. Trust me, this will spark the conversation.   

Google. Participate. Ask. It’s a great three-step starter kit to keep up with technology.

Keeping up with technology is like learning a new language. You’ve got to start speaking the language.

3. PARENTS DON’T MODEL THE WAY

The reason many kids are addicted to technology is because their parents are.

We are the leaders. We must model the way.  

For example, the dinner table at home should be a tech-free environment. I’m not responding to the latest text or email on my phone. It’s not the time for that.  

I’ve discovered one of the best ways to do this is simply putting the phone away in another room at home and not carrying it around with me. This allows me to resist the temptation of replying immediately to that text or call when I’m with my family. 

Additionally, your mobile device has a way for you to track your screen time week to week. Honestly, this is very convicting for Wendy and me. Some weeks are better than others. But simply knowing that number helps us shoot for something lower in the week ahead.  

The point is simply this: 

If I want my kids to understand how to manage their technology, I need to manage mine.

4. FORGETTING THAT YOU ARE THE PARENT

When Wendy and I talk about this with other parents, we often hear how difficult it’s going to be implementing the technology tips we discuss. They are absolutely correct. It’s why it’s important to remember this principle which we’ve had to remind ourselves over the years: 

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. 

It’s wonderful and hard. Sure, I want my kids to love me but there are going to be times they might not like me. That’s okay. 

Our goal as parents in these formative years isn’t necessarily to be popular with kids. Our goal is to shepherd, guide and lead them.

I can’t tell you how many times we heard, “But Mom and Dad, all of my friends are on Snapchat. Why can’t I get on Snapchat?”

It’s helpful to pre-determine some certain milestones to help you stay strong in these moments. For example, Wendy and I had one milestone and one goal the kids had to complete before they could have a Snapchat account. First, they had to turn 16. Until then, it was a mute point. After their 16th birthday, they had to watch the sermon series, The New Rules of Love, Sex and Dating by Andy Stanley. With us.  

Watching a video series with your parents about love, sex and dating would make anyone rethink whether they truly wanted a Snapchat account. The point is that these kinds of milestones and goals helped us stay strong as parents. 

After all, we can’t forget who’s in charge. We can’t forget who pays the bills. We can’t forget that we are the parents.  

It’s not easy. But remember, we didn’t sign up for easy. We signed up for worthwhile. And helping your kids navigate this new world of technology is certainly worthwhile. 

The good news is we don’t have to go it alone. There are lots of parents reading this blog post with lots of great ideas. That includes you.

Fortnite Facts and Figures

* The following article was copied from www.ministrytoparents.com.

As every parent in 2019 knows, Fortnite is a household name and game.

This multi-platform (PC, Xbox, PlayStation 4, Nintendo, and mobile) and cross-platform (playable for with others on different platforms) game is sweeping not only the nation but the world!

Winners of the 2018 Gaming Awards, Best On-Going Game, and Best Multiplayer Game, this video game is making its way into homes, stores, and screens all over.

Fortnite launched in July of 2017 and has only been picking up steam and momentum.

For example, Fortnite’s creators, Epic Games, posted in June of 2018 that there were 125 million players worldwide and in just five months that number rose to 200 million players as of November of 2018, according to Bloomberg.

These numbers suggest that most families have a Fortnite player they are raising.

Now, let’s focus on the facts and figures of Fortnite and understanding how as a parent you can be informed about the good, the bad, and the ugly of Fortnite.

FORTNITE BRINGS IN THE V-BUCKS

Well, they make more than the in-game currency “V-Bucks”; they are making dollar bills.

Most currently, Epic Games is reporting to make $300 million a month on Fortnite sales.

Fortnite is a free game, but it is the “in-game purchases” that are bringing in so much profit.

A survey of 1,000 Fortnite players reported the following on spending habits within the game:

• 68.8% spend money on Fortnite

• Of those that spend, they spend $85 on average

Here is where the money goes:

• 58.9% on Skins (characters/outfits)

• 18% on Gliders

• 13.5% on Harvesting Tool

• 9.5% on Emotes (dances)

How much time do they spend playing?

• Players spend an average of 8-10hrs per week playing.

• 25.3% of Fortnite players pay for a twitch.tv subscription to watch other people play Fortnite.

Let’s break a few of these things down to put into perspective.

First, these “in-game” purchases are only for appearance sake and give the player no advantage in winning the game.

Yes, all the skins, gliders, emotes, etc. do nothing to help them in the game. This is a difficult concept for older generations to grasp, but for Gen Z these are just as important as winning.

A student’s social status around the game thrives on two things, wins and skins. (Squad wins do not count in this social currency).

When students talk about Fortnite or even play together, they are looking for someone to be envious of their characters “skin” or emote.

It is purely a pride thing for these students. If they can’t impress people with how many wins, then they think, “I’m going to look good playing it.”

For those parents who do not see how the currency exchange happens from US dollars to V-Bucks here is a breakdown:

• $10.00 equals 1,000 V-Bucks

• Most Legendary Skins or Gliders will cost 3,000 V-Bucks

• Epic Skins or Gliders will cost 2,500 V-Bucks.

These are significant purchases happening within a free game.

The second thing to draw attention to is that 25.3% of Fortnite players are paying another service, twitch.tv, to watch other people play the game.

If you are unfamiliar, there are two primary places that you can watch professional and amateur video game players, twitch.tv and YouTube.

Both of these sites allow content providers (gamers) to easily stream LIVE or upload content to share with their audience. twitch.tv allows users to pay a monthly subscription to view any and all of its site’s content.

However, Twitch’s content is mostly Fortnite streamers.

As of June 2018, 49% of Twitch’s content was solely Fortnite.

From the novice and casual gamer, like myself, to the paid and sponsored professional, anyone and everyone who wants to stream the game can.

This brings a new concept to parenting that has not been much of a concern until late – the touchable celebrity. For older generations celebrities from tv and film were untouchable.

I, of course, mean that the viewer never really had a way to interact or connect with them on an on-going basis. Letter writing, fan pages/groups, or going to New York or Hollywood were the only ways to possibly connect with these superstars.

However, since these gaming celebrities are connecting to people through these social media mediums, fans can connect and interact like never before. Following or subscribing to one of these gamers allows you to chat with them and other fans while they play.

Imagine being able to chat with your favorite running back on the sideline after an amazing play or share your feelings about a home run right after it happens.

I use this illustration of an athlete because gaming or eSports is a growing trend and considered by many as an actual sport.

If you don’t think that gaming is a professional sport, you’ll have to take that up to ESPN, who featured Tyler “ninja” Blevins (the most popular Fortnite gamer) on the cover of their magazine on Sept 21st, 2018.

FORTNITE IS PROFESSIONAL

As a parent, you may see your student or hear your student playing this game and think it’s purely a game. However, to them and many others, they may see this as a profession.

Since this game is so easily shared and streamed, Fortnite is a money maker for people who are great at the game or just entertaining to watch.

When it comes to “YouTubers” or “Streamers,” students are not always looking for someone who is fantastic but just entertaining. Students are watching this content more than many popular tv series or Netflix specials.

According to Armchair All Americans, these are the top 5 most popular Fortnite players in the world.

1. Ninja – 12.8 million Twitch subscribers

2. FaZe Tfue – 4.1 million Twitch subscribers

3. TSM Myth – 4.6 million Twitch subscribers

4. TSM Hamlinz – 1.5 million Twitch subscribers

5. FaZe Jaomock – 210,631 Twitch subscribers

Notice that the number of subscribers on Twitch varies. This is evidence of their entertainment value more than win value.

Four of these gamers (2-5) all have a “clan tag” before their name. This means that they play for a specific group, clan, or team and other professional sports teams often own these teams.

For example, “Clutch Gaming” is an eSports team that is owned by the NBA Team, The Houston Rockets.

The professional attention is drawing students in more and more of the possibility to play professionally.

This future possibility grows brighter when Universities and Colleges offer eSport programs and competitive varsity teams on the Division I level – schools such as the University of Oklahoma, University of North Texas, Ohio State University, Boise State University, and many others. Students may be rookies at home but learn to be professionals in school.

In 2019, Fortnite will join the list of eSport Competitive games that will be played on the national and global scale.

Epic Games, Fortnite’s creators, are putting up 100 million in prize money as this game enters the eSports arena. This will be the most substantial prize money offered in eSport competitions to-date.

FORGET FORTNITE

So where do we go from here?

I believe that Fortnite is not a game or even a season in your student’s life that you, as the parent, can bury your head in the sand until it passes; you would be there too long! Instead, we need to lean into it with our student.

Here are a few things that can brighten this picture for any parent.

1. Commitment isn’t lacking.

As a parent, you can look at the amount of time they are spending on Fortnite as an addiction, or you can see it as commitment.

Commitment is a concept that we want our students to grasp — a commitment to the right friends, school-work, their relationship with Jesus, etc. So, as you talk to your student about the game and the time they spend point them to what this type of commitment may look like in other areas of their life.

We want them passionate and committed to the right things and showing them what commitment looks like through this game may help them see what it takes in other areas.

2. They are building more than Forts.

As your student plays this game, they are learning to play with others. It seems a bit silly, but they are playing with others (whether they know them or not), and they have to act and react either positively or negatively to what they do.

Sounds a bit like real-life right?

It may seem strange, but they are learning to interact with others with different worldviews, cultures, and languages.

Spend time with them, watching them play, and discuss the choices and actions they make to have teachable moments with them.

3. Don’t be a noob.

A noob, someone who is just beginning a game or activity, is not what you should be as a parent.

Grab a controller and learn to play. It is clearly a game that, statistically speaking, your student will not mind watching you play, and it will connect the two of you better around this topic.

Meeting our students where they are is just as important in the digital field of play as the real-life field of play is. Your student may not want to throw a football with you but would love watching you play a video game.

Soak up these moments and jump in the game!

The Simplest Way to Teach Your Kids Self Control

** The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

One of the focuses for the the month at Parent Cue is teaching our kids “Self Control.” When I found that out I tried to skip this month. I asked if I could sit this one out because I’m so terrible at that particular virtue. But here I am.

At Parent Cue, we define self-control as: “Choosing to do what you should do, not what you want to do.” Today, I’m going to teach you a really simple way to teach your kids about self-control.

Are you ready? Here are the steps.

1. Tell your kids that it’s dangerous to use your phone in the car.

2. Don’t use your phone in the car.

3. Repeat as necessary.

Was that too quick? Let’s jump into a little more detail.

Eventually, your kids are going to drive, and when they do, you are going to give them an impassioned lecture about phone safety. But, if for the previous 16 years they’ve watched you use your phone in the car, they’re going to completely ignore you.

If your actions scream one thing and your words another, kids don’t listen.

So, one of the best ways to teach self-control is to have self-control. 

If you’re already a perfect parent who locks their phone in the trunk of the car and never, never, never, never sends a text while driving, that’s great. Maybe instead you should practice not bringing your phone to the dinner table or not being on it when you’re helping your kids with homework. I promise there’s at least one area of your life where you need more self-control with the phone. 
The best way to teach a lesson is often to live a lesson first.

Try it with your phone in 2019.

Four Questions Every Parent Should Ask About Social Media

Four Questions Every Parent Should Ask About Social Media

** This article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

Want to know how to engage with your kids about the subject of social media?

I have two words for you, “Be curious.”

Want to know how to do that? My approach is simple and so short it’s smaller than a tweet: “Read less minds, ask more questions.”

So often as parents, we put tremendous pressure on ourselves to guess what our kids are up to. Like CSI detectives we take clues from their lives and try to piece together what we think is really going on in their tiny little heads and hearts.

Instead of investigation though, let’s start with conversation.

I have four questions you can ask your kids.

And because parents are some of the busiest humans on the planet, I’m going to keep this quick and short, knocking out one question per blog post.

Let’s jump right in with the very first question you should ask your kids about social media.

Question #1

How are you using social media right now?

Start off by just taking a casual, informal survey of what sites or platforms your kids are using. Are they reading blogs? Are they using snapchat? Are they texting? (Remember, social media is bigger than just twitter. It’s any technology that lets you share a piece of your life with someone else.)

When you ask this question, make sure your kid knows there’s not a right or wrong answer. You’re not trying to start a cross examination, you’re trying to start a conversation.

If they’ll share how they’re using social media, ask them what they like about it? Be curious about why they use it. Is it to connect with friends? Is it to learn about new music? Are they expressing a hobby or interest through social media? Do they even use it? There’s a million ways your kids can answer this question, but one thing is for certain, they won’t answer it unless you ask.

If they don’t answer at first and open up a long, meaningful conversation that involves Chamomile tea, you should probably give up and assume you are the worst parent ever.

Or, you can admit to yourself that parenting is a marathon not a sprint. If we’re going to be curious about what our kids care about, we have to be patient.

If you get a grunt response, a “nothing” or a “I’m a toddler, I don’t use social media mom,” that’s OK.

Stay curious, and let your kids know you’re here to help them navigate the ins and outs of growing up in a connected world of social media.

Question #2

Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it’s the secret to starting conversations with your kids about social media.

It’s on us as parents to take the initiative and create a space where our kids can openly talk about the way they are engaging in this wildly engaging technological phenomenon.

In the first post we learned to ask the question,

“How are you using social media right now?”

Today, we’re going to dive into question number two: What do your devices do?

When I was a kid, if I wanted to play Excite Bike on the Super Nintendo with my friend Dave Bruce, Dave Bruce had to come over to my house. In college, if I wanted to play Goldeneye on Nintendo 64, no one could be Oddjob that’s cheating, I had to have friends come to my dorm room. Now, if your kid wants to play Call of Duty with someone in Japan they can.

We live in the age of the connected device, but sometimes we parents forget that. We forget that you can play Minecraft with complete strangers. We forget that an iPod Touch might not be a phone but it can still be used for social media. We forget that even websites designed for kids might offer them access to email.

That was a wake up call for me. My daughters were using two sites that were about dolls. One site let them email other members of the site with pre-written messages like, “Have a good day!” or “Hooray for rainbows.” That’s harmless for an 8-year-old. But the other site let them write their own messages. Without me realizing it, my kids had received their first email address. I’d love to think that every other member of that website is a kid with the best of intentions in mind, but I’ve spent too much time online to trust that.

I didn’t know about that email address until I asked my kids a few questions.

In addition to having this conversation with your kids, you should also ask Google “What do my kids’ devices do?” Spend a little time researching to get a better sense of what’s really going on with the fun devices that your family has.

The days of playing Mike Tyson Punch Out alone in my living room are over. The colors of the ’80s might have made a comeback, but the isolated devices won’t. We live in the age of connectivity. Find out how your kids are connecting by connecting with them.

Question #3

The Bible is pretty clear about the exact age that you should give a kid a phone. King David gave one to Solomon when he was thirteen. Joseph and Mary gave Jesus one at eleven, but he was the son of God, so he could probably handle the responsibility of an iPhone better than your kid. If you add up those two ages and divide by two you get 12, so easy  to figure out.

If only.

I’d never tell you the exact age a kid should get a cellphone, laptop or tablet in the same way I wouldn’t tell you what age your kid should get their license. Some kids are ready when the state says they are ready. They are mature and able to make you feel safe the minute they get behind the wheel. Other kids need more time to mature beyond the “jump-the-car-off-a-huge-dirt-piles stage.” (The poor Duke brothers from Hazzard county never reached that level of maturity.)

So today’s post won’t focus on the question, “When should your kid get a phone?” but instead will focus on a different question you need to ask your own children, “Which of your friends have devices?”

Why do you need to ask this question? Because not every parent thinks the same way. You might decide that in your house, no one gets a smartphone until they’re in high school. Your daughter’s best friend got one in the fifth grade though. So although your child might not have a phone with access to all the wonders and woe the Internet offers, she does now via her friend. You might think you don’t need to talk about technology to a fifth grader but if the friend whose house your son is sleeping over has a tablet, you need to talk about it. Earlier than you think.

So sit your kids down and ask that question, “Which of your friends have devices?”

As with any question about technology, start a conversation, not an accusation. You don’t want your daughter to think just because her friend Jill has an iPhone, her parents have made a bad decision. Or that Jill has done something wrong.

I asked my daughters this question recently and it started a great conversation about technology. They don’t have phones yet but we were able to discuss their expectations and come up with a rough plan for the future.

Stay curious. Ask questions. You don’t have to be a technology expert, but you do have to be invested if you want to stay connected to your kids.

Question #4

The other day, my 11-year-old daughter added a stock quotes widget to the dashboard of my wife’s laptop. Without talking to either one of us, she figured out how to track four stocks her class is studying.

When I asked her about it she said, “It was just easier with a widget instead of going to the NYSE all the time.” I nodded my head in agreement as if that was the most obvious thing in the world, all the while thinking to myself, “Someday I am going to work for her.”

Our kids come by technology naturally. Have you ever seen a 3-year-old use an iPad? It’s incredible. They scroll and swipe and expand like they were born with the devices. That often makes us nervous. We worry that as they get older, technology will become a dividing factor in our homes. We envision teenagers stuck on their devices, wearing headphones and being physically present but emotionally absent from family vacations as they refuse to look up from their devices.

But what if there was a simple way for us to connect with our kids who are online? I believe there is and it’s the 4th question parents should ask kids about social media. Here it is:

“Have you seen anything interesting lately?”

This question makes the Internet a two way street and I actually learned it from my own children. Right now, they often ask me if anyone has posted new cat videos on the Internet. That is without a doubt their favorite use of the Internet. Every few days they ask me that, hoping that someone in the world wide web has filmed a cat doing something humorous.

I assure them the answer to that question will always be yes. For the rest of their lives they will always be able to find a new cat video online. But as they get older, and continue doing things like tracking stock on their own, the question is bound to shift.

I will be the one asking it. I will be the one asking them if they’ve seen anything funny or silly online.  I will be the one asking if there’s a song they like or a blog they’re reading. I will be the curious one.

Maybe for you and your son it will be about extreme sports. You’ll have a shared interest in videos of people doing ridiculous motocross jumps. Maybe it will be music focused with your daughter or sports scores or any number of things.

It’s a big Internet with a lot of possible connection points. If we’ll ask the right questions.

If your kids are online or using the Internet at school already, flip the tables on them and be curious.

Don’t wait for them to start a conversation. Start one of your own by asking,

“Have you seen anything interesting lately?”

Why Our Son Doesn’t Have a Smartphone

** This article was copied from The Gospel Coalition.com.

Our son wants a smartphone with an Instagram account.

He’s 12. He’s in seventh grade. He wants to be able to text his friends, send pictures, and chat in the afternoons and evenings.

His mom and I say “no.”

We’ve opened an Instagram account on my wife’s phone that he can use to post an occasional picture or, under our supervision, see what his friends are up to during the summer. But we’ve drawn the line at him having a phone at this age and all the social media accounts that go with it.

Crazy thing is, we’re the oddballs. Only a handful of his classmates are without a phone.

I’m not judging the decisions that other parents make, so long as they are informed and involved in their children’s lives. Every child is different. Parents can use discernment and come to different conclusions on this matter. I am, however, confident that we’re making the right decision for our families.

Naturally, our son has asked the question several times in several ways: Why not, Dad? Why not, Mom?

The easy answer would be: “There’s bad stuff on the internet and we don’t want you to access it.” We could talk about sexting and pornography and all the potential dangers of being online. But I know there are certain filters and barriers that impede that deluge of filth. Besides, the potential for future, sexual temptation is not our greatest concern anyway.

No, the real reason why our son doesn’t have a phone is because we think his middle-school years will be better spent without one. The answer I’ve given, over and over again, is this: I want you to be free from middle school drama when you’re at home.

Of course, our son thinks the phone represents a new rung on the ladder, the next step toward the freedom of adulthood. We think the phone, at his age, is a step down into slavery. It traps kids, just like it can trap adults, into the social game of likes and comments and never-ending comparisons.

James K. A. Smith describes the scene for an adolescent, and it’s one that virtually any adult could read him or herself into:

“The teenager at home does not escape the game of self-consciousness; instead, she is constantly aware of being on display—and she is regularly aware of the exhibitions of others. Her Twitter feed incessantly updates her about all of the exciting, hip things she is not doing with the ‘popular’ girls; her Facebook pings nonstop with photos that highlight how boring her homebound existence is. And so she is compelled to constantly be ‘on,’ to be ‘updating’ and ‘checking in.’ The competition for coolness never stops. She is constantly aware of herself—and thus unable to lose herself in the pleasures of solitude: burrowing into a novel, pouring herself out in a journal, playing with fanciful forms in a sketch pad. . . . Every space is a kind of visual echo chamber. We are no longer seen doing something; we’re doing something to be seen.”

There’s nothing wrong or immoral in the content the teenager in the above paragraph may access. But something still isn’t right about the whole scene.

Many Christian parents are rightly concerned about the content that their kids may access on the phone. But it’s not just the content that shapes us. It’s the entire device and how it operates, and the assumptions about our world that are smuggled in with it. The smartphone has apps tailored around one’s own desires, so that the phone says, all day every day, “The world revolves around you.”

In a recent essay in Comment, Peter Leithart writes:

“Tools want to be used this way and not that. My phone “wants” my wants to head in a certain direction. My phone trains me to expect instant satisfaction of my infinite desires. . . . Our world is jigged by phones, computers, and tablets toward self-absorption and roving, inattentive consumption. My phone turns my self into a cellph.”

This is a big deal. It’s why I devoted the first chapter of This Is Your Time to the smartphone (“Your Phone Is a Myth-Teller”) and how we can use this newly invented tool faithfully.

Social media promises to do two things simultaneously: resolve the human longing to “be known” andthe human longing to be “in the know.” The thirst for knowledge goes back to the Garden of Eden. We want to be “in the know,” and we want to “be known and loved.”

In the book, I call this “double thirst”—when you drink something that temporarily quenches your need for water, but that “something” has an ingredient that creates in you a greater thirstiness.

When you go to the phone, believing the myth that it can quench your thirst for knowledge, you’re inundated with information that makes you feel insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. That’s when the second longing kicks in, the desire to be known. Now you go to your phone in order to put yourself out there, to post selfies and comments because being present online helps you fight the feeling that you are insignificant.

Then, there’s a deeper aspect to all this. We recreate ourselves online because we worry that if we were truly known, we would not be loved.

It will be our generation’s task to chart the way forward in what faithful use of the smartphone will be. How does the gospel shape our smartphone habits? That’s an important question, and it’s why I’ve written a chapter on this subject, and why I’m heartened to see articles in Comment as well as a new book by Tony Reinke pressing us into deeper reflection on our habits.

For now, the simple “no” is best for our son. But this discussion should lead us as parents, who are too often glued to our phones, to contemplate what we’re saying “yes” to.

How Social Media is Molding Your Child

** The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

I’m a 90’s kid. That means I have fond memories of gathering around the TV watching T.G.I.F. with my family, I could slay Bop-It like my life depended on it, and I owned several “Now That’s What I Call Music….” er,r I mean, “WOW Hits.” It also means I lived in the era when the Internet boomed in the homes of everyday people.

I remember the first time I was granted access to the internet in my own home. I had heard the rumors of this mystical land that lived inside Internet Explorer. It was the world where you could ask a butler named Jeeves any question, where the evilest thing you could find was pop-up ads, and receive the rush of chemicals to your head as you typed your heart out in AOL Instant Messaging (AIM).

This was my version of Social Media. Two hours a day, with only a handful of friends who also had internet access, and an insufficient number of web pages. It was an experience.

This is not your child’s version of social media.

Your child’s social media isn’t an experience. It’s a lifestyle.

With the development of the cell phone and the plethora of other internet connected devices, social media has become so integral in the lives our children (and us) that it’s reshaping the culture of childhood.

Let’s get one thing straight: Your children are not growing up like you or me.

Now, before you channel Ron Swanson and run to your child’s room to destroy every piece of technology they own, we have to understand HOW social media is shaping them.

PERSONAL IDENTITY

Social Media is shaping the way your children are reacting, responding, and reminiscing. They not only see the way you handle circumstances, they have access to entirely different worldviews and experiences. They are arriving at their conclusions on how the world operates by more than just your voice.

VALUE

Social media is a measure of their worth. How many likes did they receive on that Instagram post? Did they get over 200 views on their Snapchat story? How many retweets did they get? Their validation is now a numerical number instead of the truth of who God has made them to be.

CONNECTION

Social media is THE place where they connect with others. Forget about grabbing someone’s digits, what’s their handle? This is where they meet strangers and friends. This is the environment where they experience bullying, criticize others, and/or affirm each other.

This is also the place where they gather news and get passionate about causes they believe in. It’s also the place where they will find romantic partners.

This is the world we live in now.

I know as a parent this can feel a little overwhelming. What are you supposed to do? You can’t stop the way the world is evolving with technology. The only real thing that YOU can do as a parent is to set the example. Show your children what a healthy balance of consumption looks like. When your kids remember their childhood make sure they remember your face not the back of your phone. Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, Ed.D., advises, “ Don’t walk in the door after work, say ‘hi’ quickly, and then ‘just check your email.’ In the morning, get up a half hour earlier than your kids and check your email then. Give them your full attention until they’re out the door. And neither of you should be using phones in the car to or from school because that’s an important time to talk.”

PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS

1. If your child is on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc., be their friend and monitor their activity.

2. Establish “no tech zones.” Make sure everyone (EVEN YOU) understands the rule and has no technology around the No Tech Zone.

3. Find other interests other than the digital world. Do they like sports? Get them on a team. Do they like music? Get lessons going.

4. Schedule times of adventure that require everyone to unplug. Go on hikes, canoe the lake, run the trail.

5. Gather as a family and read the promises of who God created us to be. Teach where real value comes from with verses like Isaiah 40:31, Isaiah 41:10, Deuteronomy 3:18, John 8:36, Psalm 34:17.

Navigating parenting in our world is like the wild west. We don’t have all the perfect answers and how-to’s, and that’s ok. When your child puts up a fight with these rules, because they will, rest in the knowledge that you’re preparing them for success in their future.  Your children are regularly receiving both affirmation and criticism from the outside world, be intentional on affirming and loving your children in a more personal and meaningful way on a daily basis. Hug them. Love them. Listen to them.

Help! My Kid Got a Cell Phone. Now What?

** The following article was copied from www.samluce.com.

It seems that kids younger and younger are getting cell phones these days. There are many good reasons to get your kids a cell phone and there are equally as many reasons to delay as long as possible. The question I hear from parents is how do I keep my kids safe online and yet let them enjoy the freedom of a cell phone. The balance of safety and security is not easy to maintain.

I used to be an advocate of waiting until kids are much older to get a cell phone. I have changed my mind, with the pervasiveness of technology and the easy access of porn you have to teach your kids at a young age how to use technology without being ruled by it. If you just hand your kids a cell phone without teaching them how to use it or placing safeguards around it you are crazy. I love you but you are crazy. Here are a few things we have done and are putting into practice with our oldest as he joins the millions of kids who are connected around the world. These are a work in progress.

1. We wake up before our devices do, and they “go to bed” before we do. –  Andy Crouch. No phones in bedrooms.

2. We use Circle at home to filter content, enforce bedtime and to create timed boundaries. Circle is amazing! It is dead simple to set up it allows for a ton of flexibility you can filter and put time restrictions on individual apps. What’s also great about it is that it filters your internet so when friends come over it works on their device if they connect to your internet.

3. We use Circle Go for on the go. We keep all our content and time filters in place on LTE and 4G cell phone coverage away from home. It has a monthly fee of 4.99 a month but is good for up to 10 devices.

4. We use Life 360 to create digital fences that allow us to know when our child has left one place and arrived at another. This app also has functionality that monitors your kids driving their speed and disables texting when moving at a high rate of speed, it will also automatically call 911 if involved in an accident.

5. Create a Cell Phone Contract. When they understand the privileges and responsibilities of having a phone. They also need to understand how to keep their phone and what will cause them to lose their phone privileges.

6.  We have the passwords to everything. Privacy is not an option for Jr. Highers. Parents read your children’s email and text messages its being loving, not nosey.

7. We are designed for a rhythm of work and rest. So one hour a day, one day a week, and one week a year, we turn off our devices and worship, feast, play, and rest together. – Andy Crouch

8. Use the early years to teach your kids the etiquette of texting and calling. Let them know when is appropriate to do either and when is appropriate to do neither.

9. For us at least, no social media until High School – Junior High is difficult enough allowing bullies to reach into the sanctuary of your home through social media is not worth the benefit.

The First Social Media Challenge Your Kid Will Face

** The following article was copied from www.theparentcue.org.

The news is often full of terrible stories about horrible things that happened to kids because of social media. These things do happen and there’s a long list of them to keep in mind as your kids navigate this digital world.

The reality though is that more than likely, your kid will face one particular challenge before any others. Want to know what it is?

Someone is going to block them on Instagram.

Or, someone won’t follow them on Instagram.

Those are similar issues, although blocking feels more deliberate.

When you were a teenager, a person who didn’t like you, just wouldn’t talk to you. Now though, they can block you from taking a peek into their life. They can shut a door firmly in the most popular place for teens to congregate, Instagram.

They can lock you out of their lives.

This is the easiest, most common way a teenager gets their feelings hurt online. When someone doesn’t follow you, that hurts too, but not in the same way. Maybe they didn’t know you have an account. Maybe they forgot to follow you. Maybe there’s some other reason they don’t right now. Not so with a blocking. When someone blocks you, they’ve deliberately sent you a message that they don’t like you.

In situations like that, the most important thing to assess is if the relationship needs to be repaired. Sometimes it does and your kid needs to apologize for something. Other times, there’s nothing to repair. You can’t force your child to be friends with someone and meddling in the situation will only make everything all the worse.

There’s a block headed to your future as a parent, I promise, it’s coming.

Instead of waiting for it, do the brave thing, and ask your child if they’ve ever been blocked on Instagram.

If they have, talk about it. Ask them how they feel. Ask if they have anything they need to do. It might seem like something small, but you’d be surprised at the big conversation it can start.

10 Dangerous Video Games Your Teen Might Be Playing

** The following article was copied from www.crosswalk.com.

“Just one more level!” they plead. Late night, playing video games with friends, it seems they’ve been on for hours. You know where your kids are. But do you know what they’re playing?

Many of us grew up playing video games. But we’ve come a long way since Pac man, Atari, Donkey Kong, and the early days of Super Mario Bros. The truth is, gaming has changed, along with technology and all of the other influences in the world. Never has there been a generation so attached and wired to a constant influx of media messages every single day. The gaming industry is big. And immensely profitable. Though studies have been debated over the years about the potential negative effects of violent video games for teens, indicators seem to suggest, it’s not all “just a game” anymore. Gaming has progressed down a more dangerous pathway, and parents would be wise to learn more.

While most would probably never allow their kids to eat a constant diet of junk food, or see a steady stream of R rated movies, many teens are playing hours upon hours of video games every week, with mature, suggestive, adult content, profanity, and graphic violence. So what’s the difference? The lines seem blurred; kids receive mixed messages of what’s OK, and what is not. We are affected, by what we choose to watch, focus on, listen to, and even by what games we play.

Recent statistics show:

“The global market for video games is expected to grow from $ 66 billion in 2013 to $ 79 billion in 2017. This forecast includes revenue from dedicated console hardware and software (both physical and online), dedicated portable game hardware and software, PC games and games for mobile devices such as mobile phones, tablets, music players and other devices that can play games as a secondary feature.”

In our nation alone, “8.5% of youth gamers (ages 8-18) can be classified as being clinically ‘addicted’ to playing video games.” 

A nationally representative study found that the average 8-12 year old plays 13 hours of video games per week, while the average 13-18 year old plays 14 hours per week. Total that up and within the ages of your child’s growing up years, they could be logging upwards of close to 10,000 video hours.

While some top selling games promote learning and encourage positive messages and themes, there are many other games to avoid. The ratings, content, and reviews alone can give you much information. This is by no means an exhaustive list; there are many games that could be discussed here. Often, you will find a combination of several key characteristics they hold in common:

1. Graphic, bloody violence, real, vivid images which research indicates that over time, can lead to overall desensitization of violence or suffering, as well as increased aggression in dealing with conflict, and lack of empathy.

2. Inappropriate sexual content, overall disrespect, and violence towards women.

3. The idea that “killing” should be rewarded. Though it’s all part of the game, the lines between reality and make-believe can sometimes become blurred, and the disregard for human life seems all too real.

4. Player adopts the role of first person shooter, actually looking down the barrel of a gun, demolishing the enemy, thus making it all more real and vivid.

5. Game success is often measured by negative behaviors which promote criminal activity, theft, disrespect for authority, drug and alcohol use, and other things that parents would not likely want their kids to emulate in real life.

Ten Dangerous Video Games for Teens:

Grand Theft Auto V
Genre- Action/Adventure, Shooter
Platform – Xbox 360, PlayStation 3
ESRB Rating – Mature

When a video game sells $800 million worth of software in a single day, it says a lot about our culture. This game is rated “M” for many reasons. It is not a game intended for kids or teens. Violence, deviant behaviors, foul language, and graphic, sexual content abound in this game.

Diablo III
Genre – Role-Playing, Combat, Horror/Suspense
Platform – PC, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4
ESRB Rating – Mature

As its title may suggest, this game is full of demonic images and monstrosities. Its graphic, violent content is disturbing and raw.

Wolfenstein: The New Order
Genre – Shooter, Combat, Action/Adventure
Platform – Xbox One, Xbox 360, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 3, PC
ESRB Rating – Mature

This first person shooter game takes aim at Nazi Germany forces and allows players to take on the full effect through extreme battle images. Blood, gore, intense violence, strong language, use of drugs, and strong sexual content abound through it all.

South Park – The Stick of Truth
Genre – Role-playing, Combat
Platform – Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PC
ESRB rating – Mature

This is no innocent cartoon series. It is crude, rude, and full of graphic sexual content and foul language.

Assassins Creed IV – Black Flag
Genre – Action/Adventure, Combat
Platform – Xbox One, Xbox 360, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 3, WiiU, PC
ESRB rating – Mature

In following the pattern set by other Assassins Creed games that came before, this version is also high in violent, graphic content, sexual themes, and profanity.

Mortal Kombat
Genre – Combat, Fighting
Platform – Xbox 360, PlayStation 3
ESRB Rating – Mature

Fighting game of unprecedented violence. This one game led to the establishing of the entertainment software rating board, and is still, quite possibly, one of the most historically controversial games ever.

Watch Dogs
Genre- Shooter, Action/Adventure
Platform – Xbox One, Xbox 360, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 3, PC
ESRB Rating – Mature

This game is all about a hacker seeking revenge, but it gained the “M” rating for extreme violence, strong language, and strong sexual content.

Dead Space II and III
Genre – Shooter, Horror/Suspense, Action/Adventure
Platform – Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PC
ESRB Rating – Mature

Extreme violence, blood, and gore typify this game which launched its initial ad campaign this way: ”It’s revolting. It’s violent. It’s everything you love in a game, and your mom’s gonna hate it.” Many moms may have been thankful for that heads up information. And quite possibly they forgot, that Moms are often the ones who choose which games to buy, or not to buy.

Mafia II
Genre – Action/Adventure, Shooter
Platform – Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Windows PC
ESRB Rating – Mature

Real view of the mob world, including gangsters’ devaluation of human life, drugs and alcohol, and mistreatment of women. Foul language abounds and Playboy centerfolds are scattered around the environment for players to find and collect.

Naughty Bear
Genre – Role-playing
Platform – Xbox 360, PlayStation 3
ESRB Rating – Teen

The Teen rating may fool many, but this is a violent and disturbing game about a sociopathic bear who spends his time beating his peers until they commit suicide. It is basically a game that encourages imaginative murder.

The popular mindset of our culture may have a strong opinion of what they think is right. But you have the freedom to choose what you believe is right for your own family. Here’s what you may hear:

“It’s really not that bad.” 

The truth is, it really is.

“Everyone else is playing it.” 

The truth is, everyone is not.

“The parental controls make everything safe.” 

The truth is the games still contains graphic, mature content that can’t be fully controlled, and some allow for modifications to be set, where players can add extra material, characters, or plots twists that actually change the game.

“We don’t buy “M” games, so they’ll never see them or play them anyway.” 

The truth is that even though you may not buy them, many of their friends probably do.

“It’s just a game, it’s not real and they know it’s not.” 

The truth is, real or not, young minds are still affected by what they see, play, and hear. Older minds are affected as well. Young minds are still being wired and influenced by all they’re taking in from the world. And the experiences a teen has, even virtual ones, can have a huge impact on their core beliefs, values, and attitudes.

As parents, we can form our own conclusions about what we feel comfortable allowing for our kids. But if you’re like me, maybe you haven’t known enough about what’s out there and the full content that a game actually contains. I encourage you to do the research. Talk with your teen. Ask questions about what they’re playing or what their friends are playing. Keep communication open. Keep computers and games devices in common areas of your home. Make the choice for your family of what is allowable and what is not.

Most importantly, there’s One voice that rises above all the rest. More than what your teen wants, or what their friends are playing, more than varying opinions of what research says, or what the top selling games trends are. His voice reminds us to take care of what we allow in, to guard what we think about, watch, and do. And that’s really the most important thing to impress upon our kids as they grow. The one truth – that what we do – that what we choose – it matters.

“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8).

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).

What to Do When Your Kids are Texting Instead of Talking

** The following article was copied from www.allprodad.com.

Recently, I wrote about Why Are Your Kids Texting Not Talking? In this post, I’d like to look at some important steps you can take to improve communication between you and your child or grandchild and get beyond texting to actual talking and relationship building.

Improve communication between you and your child or grandchild and get beyond texting to actual talking and relationship building.

Set the Scene

Sit down with your child and gently help them to understand why this issue is going to be addressed.

• Review the reasons listed in my previous post mentioned above, and ask your children which, if any, are true of them. Speak candidly, but kindly, about those struggles.

• Be willing to recognize that you may struggle with some of the very same issues.

• Discuss together what some of the long-term consequences might be for all of you: poor communication skills, shallow relationships, an inability to function in jobs or community, and fractured family relationships now and in the future.

Set Values

Discuss as a family what your values and priorities are and how they will impact your decisions, guidelines, and limitations.

• Do this as a team. Let your family know that the guidelines you’re looking to create are to be developed and shared by everyone in the family, not just the kids. Talk with, not at, your kids and give them some say in the process.

• Discuss how your family values working on relationships with family, friends, and people all around you face-to-face, not just through technology.

• Develop a statement that expresses your family’s commitment to following your established guidelines in a certain way (e.g. respected, heard, and loved, etc.).

Set Guidelines

Decide the ways you’ll use and not use technology in your home.

• Establish rules regarding the usage of social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other online activities.

• Make specific times or areas of your house tech-free zones. Agree on whether or not to have phones in the bedroom, at the dinner table or other areas of the home. For example, phones are allowed at the dinner table during meals and internet access is not allowed in the bedrooms.

• Create a space for isolating smartphones and tablets, etc. Have a basket to hold electronics during tech-free times or when entering tech-free zones. For example, place one by the dining room table during mealtimes.

No matter what procedures your family agrees on, remember to do so with patience and grace.

Fortnite: I’ll Pass On the V-Bucks

** The following article was copied from theparentcue.org.

The Saga

If you have any contact with a kid over age 8, I’m sure you have heard of Fortnite. If not, simply say that word around a kid and you will get a reaction. Especially boys. It is the latest and greatest in the App Store, Xbox, Switch, gaming craze. How do I know this? Well, I live with two boys and we have had our own personal Fortnite adventure over the past several months.

Last winter, my boys asked to get Fortnite on the Xbox because you know, “All my friends have it.” After working to earn the money for the game, I allowed them to download it. To say they liked it is an understatement. It seemed harmless enough. And hey, at least they were interacting with other people, right. A few times, they would earn a little extra money and ask if they could buy a “skin”. They’d give me the money, I’d load the amount on the Xbox and the gaming would continue. This went on for a few months. And, like every gaming fad, I was sure this one was almost over.

In April, I was sure my bank account had been hacked. But, as I talked to the lady at the bank she did not start in with her typical speech that was supposed to go something like this: “You’ve obviously been hacked. We will take care of it.” Instead she asked if I had a Microsoft account. I’m not going to lie that once I finally connected all the dots after finally tracking down all the charges, I was extremely grateful that my children were at school. I was so irate that it was best that they were far, far away from me. I finally sat down and really prayed. I asked God to give me wisdom to know what to do in order to punish them appropriately.

When the boys came home from the bus, I asked them calmly if I could talk them upstairs. (My kids tell me that calm mom is way more frightening that angry mom). I sat them down and explained that I was trying to pay our bills but I was so sad to find that I could not pay them because someone had stolen over $500 from my bank account. They look so surprised and genuinely upset and protective of their mom. I mean who would do this to us? Then, I continued, “Imagine my surprise when I found out it was my two boys who stole from me.” I recapped the story of my day tracking down the charges and no one said a word. One of them broke down in sobs and the other had quiet tears running down his face. (I’m not going to lie, there was a little relief in at least seeing the remorse.)

The boys tried to tell me they thought they’d found a hack. They’d purchased a few V-bucks (aka Fortnite dollars) at first, and it looked like it “wasn’t even really costing” anything. After a day of the little things, they started in with the bigger purchases. I mean, if they’d found a hack, why not “hack” the big bucks. Right? I don’t know if that is really what they believed or if they convinced themselves that was what was happening. But, the punishment was going to remain no matter what.

After our little talk, I calmly explained that the Xbox was gone for 6 months. In that time, they would have to do any and every job that anyone offered to earn money to pay back every penny they stole from me. In addition, when they finished paying the money back, they could start saving up to purchase the Xbox from me. It would cost them $350, because that is what it costs in the stores.

For the next 4 months they worked for me, for my mom, for my dad, for my neighbor, for our church. They did any job they could find. They did finally pay back what they owed, plus earned enough to buy the Xbox back. But, it was hard work.

What I Learned From the Saga:

1. Parents, be aware of what your kids are doing online.

I have every software check, balance, safety system in place . . . and yet this happened. I didn’t realize my debit card info had been stored in the system after one of my small, approved purchases. That was the open door to mindless charging. (Needless to say, my boys now have to earn money, buy an Xbox gift card and that is the only way they can purchase anything.)

2. Your kids are going to mess up.

I believe with all my heart they need to have appropriate consequences that are hard and fast, with a huge dose of love and grace. My kids needed to understand how serious this was. Not only did we talk about stealing things in cyber space (that sounds so futuristic) but, we also talked about the consequences of credit cards. They hated working for 6 months to pay for something that was long gone. I explained that is exactly how credit cards work. In our house, we have to live on what we have. Life is just simpler that way.

3. Parenting is hard.

Parenting is hard. It is so hard. We need each other. We need to share our stories and show our scars. I had to share this story with my friends and family so that they could help me and possibly learn from my mistakes. I was embarrassed that I’d let this happen. But, I’m so glad I told them. My friends and family jumped in to give the boys work when they needed it to pay off their debts and speak truth and love to them to make this a teachable moment.

Our counselor and friend, David Thomas, wrotea great article on Fortine that helped me. I hope it helps you too.

What I didn’t tell my boys . . . and I am saving this for their graduation or wedding rehearsal dinner . . . is that Microsoft refunded the money. (Shhhhhh!)